Mum died last week

[lastone]

My mum died last week, she had an emergency operation and just didn't recover. Today is the first day that I haven't cried and instead I just feel numb. I will miss her so much. She was 75, so not young, but I wasn't prepared for the sudden nature of her dying in this way. My mum was lovely, funny, and could be very childlike. She had a truly terrible childhood that she never fully recovered from, but as I have grown older, I have been able to accept that some part of her never really grew, and we had a good relationship.
So I am currently off work. At the start of the year, I had asked that my hours be reduced, specifically to spend more time with my mum, as I knew her health was poor. A colleague spoke to my manager, disagreeing with my suggestions over how to manage this, and my request was refused. I am now so angry with both of them and I think it's clouding my judgement. At the moment I do not want to go back but financially I have to.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to manage my feelings and not let how angry I feel overwhelm this time of grieving for my mum. I'm swinging between tearful and feeling so angry because they knew she was frail, but on a rational level they could not have known this would happen. I just feel so sad that I didn't get to spend more time with my mum.

[strawberrie]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure all the emotions you are feeling perfectly normal for this very early stage of your bereavement.

It's probably a little soon to make any permanent, long term decisions. Thinking of you at this very difficult time.

[BonitaFangita]

Don't really have any advice, but couldn't read and leave.
I'm sorry for your loss you must feel wretched, even following a long illness bereavement of such an important person in your life is a terrible shock.
take care of yourself, i'm sure you'll get great support and advice here.

[Oly5]

I'm sorry for the loss of your mum and I just wanted to say your feelings are normal. My mum died from cancer at Xmas, which meant I did get to spend extra time with her but it doesn't take away the pain. What you are feeling now is pain and you're directing it at work. They didn't handle it well but some of the rage you are feeling is rage at losing your lovely, precious mum.
If you could bring her back for just a day you would.
I would do the same with mine. She was only 68.
It is very early days, be nice to yourself xxxx

[lastone]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I will remind myself daily that it's early days x

[freebreeze]

My mum also died last week. What can I say? She was 74 and died after a long illness. It's so sad and horrible. We have the funeral this Friday. I am sending you a big hug as I can imagine some of what you are feeling X

[lastone]

Thanks freebreeze. My mums funeral is next week. It's been a massively difficult time and I am exhausted both from the emotion and travelling up and down the motorway.
A good thing is that I feel my family have all been wonderful, we have supported each other and sorting out mums belongings has been done with a lot of respect.
I hope you are coping and it isn't too rough. Sending hugs your way, and thanks for your kind post.

[ThenLaterWhenItGotDark]

So sorry to both of you.

Be kind to yourselves.

[lastone]

Freebreeze I hope the funeral went well and that you are ok. It's my mums tomorrow and it feels like it's taken an age to come round. My thoughts are with you.

[Hjb2410]

I couldn't pass by this without commenting. I lost my mum who was aged 54 and I miss her terribly. I had an extended period of time off work and I felt I needed it and only went back when I felt I was able too. As others have said it is early days, take your time, don't rush, do day by day and take it as it comes. Try to grieve too and get as much sleep as you can. Thinking of you. Feel free to message me if you want to and I will try to help xx

[lastone]

Thanks Hjb I have PMd you x

[NathalieM]

Sorry for your loss. It will be overwhelming at first, but you're allowed to feel sad and angry so don't bottle it up too much. Getting these emotions out of the way is crucial to acceptance.

My thoughts are with you.