My son should be 5 today

(40 Posts)
threelittlegifts Tue 02-Jan-07 23:25:16

ds1 ws stillborn at 32 weeks gestation on 2nd Jan 2002. Since then I have had ds2 who is 4, and dd who is 16mo. They are beyond fab but at this time of year I always have a bit of a slump.
We've had a nice day today, devoted to ds1, and have done lots of nice things for him. My ds2 sang an impropmtu happy birthday to him at his grave, which only made me smile. Lots of people have remembered us today (thanks to my MN friends who sent me messages) and it has been as nice a day as it could have been really.
But I feel so hollow. Every year I realise, again, that this is forever, and I will be sad forever. Not all the time, as I have a great happy time with ds2 and dd. But every year it seems to get harder, the fact that I am another year further away from him. I remember his birth like it was yesterday. I knew he had gone, but was so happy and proud to see and hold him.
Sorry for rambling on, am on my own and feeling sad, and just wanted to share my lovely son with you.
Happy Birthday Joseph xxx

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threelittlegifts Tue 02-Jan-07 23:25:43

oh fgs that did have paragraphs when I previewed, honest!

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mummytosteven Tue 02-Jan-07 23:27:35

happy birthday to Joseph.

CatherineEarnshaw Tue 02-Jan-07 23:27:36

precious I really feel for you

you will not get further from you because he will always be in all of your hearts

Kisses Joseph x

chipkid Tue 02-Jan-07 23:28:01

it must be so tough for you. My heart goes out to you.

Quootiepie Tue 02-Jan-07 23:28:58

Happy Birthday Joseph xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Im thinking of all of you xXx

threelittlegifts Tue 02-Jan-07 23:29:02

Thanks for the text mts, really appreciate it, a lovely thought x

P.S. How's the pox?!

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Hulababy Tue 02-Jan-07 23:29:15

Happy 5th birthday Joseph.

Thinking of you today, threelittlegifts.

threelittlegifts Tue 02-Jan-07 23:29:26

Thanks Cath, I know you're right x

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PanicPressiePants Tue 02-Jan-07 23:29:55

He will always be there, a part of your family, no matter how many years pass.

Happy Birthday Joseph, sweet dreams.

threelittlegifts Tue 02-Jan-07 23:30:17

thanks chipkid, Quootie and hula. Dh and (obv) kids in bed and feeling really low, thank you all so much for replying

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Saturn74 Tue 02-Jan-07 23:31:45

threelittlegifts, I understand that these anniversaries are so hard. Our son would have been 10 years old in a few weeks, but we lost him at 24 weeks gestation.
I think it is lovely that Joseph is such an important part of your family, and that your other children can bring you such joy and think of him too, but it is still so difficult sometimes.
Thinking of you all.
Happy birthday, Joseph. x

poptot Tue 02-Jan-07 23:31:54

Happy Birthday to Joseph and blessings to you all.

AitchTwoOhOhSeven Tue 02-Jan-07 23:33:07

happy birthday to joseph from my family. x x x

threelittlegifts Tue 02-Jan-07 23:34:08

thanks panic pants

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brandy7 Tue 02-Jan-07 23:34:47

my heart broke reading your message

happy birthday josephxxx

ledodgy Tue 02-Jan-07 23:35:47

Happy birthday Joseph. As panicpants says he will always be one of your three little gifts and always be your son and their brother.

threelittlegifts Tue 02-Jan-07 23:36:12

Thanks humphrey. ds2 talks about him all the time, and I feel blessed that he does. It helps me get through.

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threelittlegifts Tue 02-Jan-07 23:37:11

thanks poptot and aitch, I really appreciate it x

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threelittlegifts Tue 02-Jan-07 23:39:10

thanks brandy7, sorry I didnt mean to bring anyone down with me! thanks for responding x

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threelittlegifts Tue 02-Jan-07 23:41:04

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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mummytosteven Tue 02-Jan-07 23:53:32

yes it is lovely that you remember him with the entire family.

PeachesMcLean Tue 02-Jan-07 23:55:20

Hi 3LG. Happy Birthday Joseph.
I hope you won't be sad forever. My son was stillborn at 35 weeks five years ago. His twin was born safely thank God. I was only thinking recently that I'm glad to have conceived him, because he's still mine, whatever happened, and his memory will always be with me. Wish I could offer some wiser words. Thanks for sharing the memory of your son with us.

Judy1234 Tue 02-Jan-07 23:56:49

How very sad. I even made a baby book to my child that miscarried because there seemed to be going to be so very little physical to remember she or he had ever existed.

May be you're moving closer to him each year. 38 years ago my baby sister died. My mother remembered the date every year until she died aged 75 2 years ago, and I'm sure they're together now at last. We always wished they'd taken pictures in those days and that there'd been a grave. This year I found her diary/baby book from the 1960s and had it typed out. The saddest part was her description of the birth and death 3 weeks later.

Anyway happy birthday to little Joseph

suedonim Wed 03-Jan-07 00:19:48

Happy birthday to little Joseph. I've had just the one m/c but dh's eldest brother died at one week of age and his second bro died when he was 10 and dh five. We went to his brother's grave once, it was so moving. Dh later lost another sibling and then twins siblings - not sure how MIL keeps so cheerful, tbh.

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