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Scattering the ashes

(3 Posts)
pinktransit Wed 02-Mar-16 21:59:08

Well that's an odd ceremony.

We did it on Sunday. I'm still somewhat bemused by it really. It's a very prosaic, pragmatic sort of thing. I had no idea what to expect, and I didn't know anyone that had been to one. So off I went, with DD2, met up with his sons at the crematorium where we were scattering the ashes.

It was really nice to go back actually - the only time I've been at the crematorium was for the funeral, and that (as we all agreed as we stood and chatted beforehand) was so incredibly overwhelming that we didn't take anything in.

So - there we are. It's sunny and cold, and we follow the registrar away from the office to the garden of remembrance. She checks that we have the right ashes, and are in the right place - asks if we want to do the scattering ourselves or do we want her to do it. We've discussed this, and don't want to do it. So she does. DD2 and I almost giggle as she shakes the last of the ashes out, making sure he's all gone, then have to not breathe as a sudden gust of wind blows the ash towards us.
She looks towards an implement that's somewhere between a brush and a rake and asks if we want to watch as he's brushed into the grass. No, we don't. So she buggers off for 15 minutes - we stand and look at the grass for a few minutes, turn and look at the plaque we've had made. We look at that for a few minutes, someone speaks and we all agree that Pete would have liked it. Then off we went into town for coffee and cake.

I have no idea what I was expecting, but whatever it was, it wasn't that.

As what felt like a final goodbye it was a bit.... ummm... practical really.
Again, I'm just musing out loud here, putting feelings into words.

For something so bloody practical, prosaic, underwhelming, it's thrown me a bit. Emotionally I'm all over the place again.

Bye Pete. Larger than life, adored by me, loved me so much there weren't words.

Ashes on the grass.

DIONNE222 Thu 03-Mar-16 12:12:54

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Clare1971 Thu 03-Mar-16 17:29:37

I felt a bit the same when we scattered MIL's ashes. We took them away to scatter ourselves but were then unable to scatter them where we'd planned and ended up driving around looking for an alternative. When we did scatter them a dog ran by and I'm fairly sure it got a bit of a sprinkling. MIL would have been amused but it did feel a bit underwhelming. Like you though, I found I got very emotional later.

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