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please tell me how I can help my friend

(11 Posts)
TweeBee Fri 19-Feb-16 06:17:42

I had some awful news yesterday - a friend from work's child died suddenly. I'm wondering what I could do to help and thought some of you might have ideas.
I've had a little chat sending love so far and would usually make food but am in hospital with dd so can't do anything like that. I've heard people say recently about the awful cost of funerals and I know paid compassionate leave can be rubbish so I thought of getting dh to post a supermarket gift card through their door. Will probably be anonymous as he wouldn't cope with writing anything confused.
But any other ideas are welcome.

chickensaresafehere Fri 19-Feb-16 07:47:26

I am in the same situation.Words seem so insignificant.

cocochanel21 Fri 19-Feb-16 17:05:12

My DD died suddenly last year, I think just to let your friend know you are there for her anytime she needs you would be a comfort for her. Also talk about her child, when my dd died I was pregnant and when the baby arrived nobody spoke about dd1 anymore I found it very upsetting.
Your friend is probably in shock just now. It wasn't until after the funeral that I really needed people to support me.
The sympathy cards I received I like to look at when I'm having a bad day. I also have friend's who place flowers on dd grave which is nice to know they still think about her.
Why would you post the the gift card anonymously? Just curious I find that a bit strange personally.

TweeBee Fri 19-Feb-16 20:38:49

Thanks for the replies. Coco I just thought it might be awkward to give them money really, I don't want them to feel like they have to pay us back or whatever and it's not like we're giving a gift card for a birthday present or something nice, just for normal spending to take the pressure off a little. We're not especially close so I just feel a bit awkward involving money in it all. Maybe a bit weird.
Thanks for the your feedback. I appreciate you taking the time x

expatinscotland Fri 19-Feb-16 20:40:17

I'd do the supermarket card. And keep remembering.

My DD1 died nearly 4 years ago and I cannot believe it.

TweeBee Fri 19-Feb-16 20:44:17

Bless you Expat. I cannot imagine how you keep going. Xx

Stinkyfeet Fri 19-Feb-16 20:53:45

I think it depends how close you are to your colleague. When ds1 died, somebody I didn't know very well gave us some money and it made me feel very uncomfortable, it was almost intrusive. We gave it to charity in the end.

However, you do describe her as a friend, so a giftcard could be appropriate in your case.

Definitely send a sympathy card - I often re-read the sympathy cards and find them very comforting.

TweeBee Fri 19-Feb-16 22:06:53

Thanks. We have a chat in work but don't really see each other out of it except work Christmas night out or leaving dos. I've been on Mat leave for almost a year so not seen her but have messaged a bit about nurseries..... She's such a lovely person though

TweeBee Fri 19-Feb-16 22:07:46

And I want to send a card when I get out of hospital but so stuck on what to say! Any tips for that very welcome indeed smile

BeeppityBeep Fri 19-Feb-16 22:27:19

I would just send a card. I like flower/sunset type cards rather than proper bereavement cards as I often don't like the words in the bereavement cards. Obviously either is ok.

I would keep the message short'ish, simple and heartfelt.

cocochanel21 Fri 19-Feb-16 22:40:52

Sending a card is a lovely idea I'd just keep it simple something like
Thinking of you, anything I can do for you please let me know.
I'd also text her after the funeral just to let her know you are thinking about her maybe you could meet up in the next couple of months for a coffee and a chat.
You sound a lovely caring friend flowers

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