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my dad has taken his own life

(14 Posts)
dietstartsmonday Sun 14-Feb-16 09:18:46

I feel very lost.

My dad has been heavily depressed for many years and we have tried so many times to get help.
Several suicide attempts but normally more a cry for help.
Not this time though. I spoke to him Thursday he seemed fine. No answer to phone on Friday, but that's not too unusual. He was drinking alot again and I assumed sleeping it off.
I went round to check on him yesterday morning and found him. He had taken an overdose, I suspect on Thursday evening.
I can't get the picture of him out of my mind.
How do I stop feeling like I didn't do enough?

gBean Sun 14-Feb-16 09:21:07

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. It is not your fault. CRUSE will be able to support you. flowers

thesandwich Sun 14-Feb-16 09:22:31

Oh I am so very sorry. It must have been a terrible experience for you. It sounds like you did everything you could- and he made his choice. Please reach out for help- Samaritans,your gp- you could not have done more- it would never have been enough. flowers

OldFarticus Sun 14-Feb-16 09:30:41

Hello diet - I saw you post and couldn't read and run.

I second the advice to contact CRUSE.

I understand exactly how you feel. My father committed suicide in 2011 in very similar circumstances. It does get easier, I promise. The feelings of guilt do eventually fade. You will probably also become insanely angry with him at some point, so be prepared for that. In my case, DF had been so depressed and his drinking so out of control for so long, I started to become irritated and impatient with the frequency of his 'episodes' and when I got the call my first thought was "FFS, he's pissed again and been arrested". sad

I didn't have counselling but I should have. I got some short-term sedatives from the GP which helped me get through the first few days. Please ask for help from CRUSE and from your doctor if you think it will help.


originalmavis Sun 14-Feb-16 09:33:38

Who is around you now? Have you kids that you need to look after? Have the police explained what happens now? So sorry that you are going through this.

dietstartsmonday Sun 14-Feb-16 09:35:04

Old thank you for posting you really have been through similar. I had said to my sister on Friday about him being drunk and having to sleep it off. I feel very bad now that he was led there alone while i thought that.

I am pleased to hear the guilt will fade. I can't stop it at the moment and it's tearing me up.
I expect angry to come I have been angry from his previous attempts. Although looking back they were never that serious. This was meant.

dietstartsmonday Sun 14-Feb-16 09:36:13

I have 3 teenagers so nedcto be strong. They are devestated.
My DH is supporting me. Think he feels a bit useless but just being there is enough right now

originalmavis Sun 14-Feb-16 09:47:03

There is no guilt. Ifs and buts are no use when someone is determined - it was out of your hands. It wasn't your choice and there was nothing you could have done. Yes you will be angry and you have every right to feel this way.

Try not to think about tbee circumstances - you can't change what happened and can only speculate on the actual events and what your dad was thinking. Force yourself to focus on other things or you will spiral downwards - dont let your dads legacy be depression.

Your kids are teens - still too young though to face this type of reality. Be truthful with them, hug them, let their pals parents know, and the school too.

Is your mum/his partner/his mum/siblings around too? Who has the funeral arrangements to make? Do you have a vicar or priest etc who can be with you? Even if you don't believe in that, they are generally practical types with a good ear, and have heard those before.

TisIthecat Sun 14-Feb-16 09:51:14

It might also be worth contacting al-anon if he used alcohol to help deal with his problems. There isn't anything more you could have done. He was very unwell.
Thinking of you x

dietstartsmonday Sun 14-Feb-16 10:17:56

Thank you.

There is just me and my sister really. We list my mum 9 years ago and he has struggled since then.
Am trying to think he is with her now. That's what he wanted.

YoungGirlGrowingOld Sun 14-Feb-16 10:28:24

Oh bless you. It's impossible not to feel guilty, I know. A big milestone for me was realizing that some people are very sadly beyond help. Deep down I knew that he would never get better - he had been on the "anti-depressant, alcohol abuse, suicide attempt, intervention" roller coaster for so long. It was like watching a car crash in slow motion.

My DSis and I were still reeling when the cremation took place. Much later, we both planted a tree and wrote letters to him which we buried with his ashes under the tree. Mine was a stream of consciousness blind rage at him, but in a weird way it gave me some closure and peace.

I don't know if that kind of thing would you when you feel ready, because we are all different, but you are not alone.

YoungGirlGrowingOld Sun 14-Feb-16 10:29:05

help you - sorry.

YoungGirlGrowingOld Sun 14-Feb-16 10:29:54

He = my DF. Sorry again!!

dietstartsmonday Sun 14-Feb-16 21:06:36

Thanks all it helps to talk a bit

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