The support I had on the last thread was amazing so thought Id continue it.
For anyone catching up, my DH died between christmas and new year. He had been struggling with depression and a cocaine and steroid addiction. His behaviour in the last 6 months got totally out of control. He was drink driving, disappearing for days, sneaking out in the middle of the night. We hAd two weeks apart at the beginning of December during which time he lived with a friend. He insisted he was clean during these 2 weeks but I later found out he wasn't. He moved back home for 2 weeks but christmas was a disaster and he told me on xmas eve (whilst he was drunk and high) that I was his trigger that made him do these silly things and he wanted to leave.
He went to stay with his mum on December 28th although we were still very much a family. He came to the family home for tea after work, we took the kids out togetehr, then he went to sleep at his mums. I thought I was giving him family life without the pressure.
On Tuesday 29th December I picked DH up after work and we went home and played playdoh with the kids for an hour. I took him to the shops to get a couple of bits he needed and then dropped him to his mums as me and DC were going to my dads for an hour. I called DH on my way home to see if he wanted to see the kids before they went to bed but he said he was busy. He came to the house at 10pm as I had made his food for work for the following day and we had a cuddle on the sofa. At 10.30pm when he was back at his mums he text me "is this the way it's going to be from now on?" And I replied "I think so, until you sort yourself out". The texts went on and he explained that he was sorry for putting us through this and how much he loved me. I said I loved him too but I couldn't understand how we had got here and that he seemed to be so much happier being away from us. He text me at 11pm saying "I love you, I love my parents and I love our babies but you're all better off without me xxxxxxxx". And that was the last anyone heard from him.
He has sent me that same text I don't know how many times over the years. I usually get a text half an hour later saying "I'm being a tit, ignore me".
I didn't get another text this time. I text him back a few times but thought he was playing games with me so I went to sleep.
I called him in the morning at 8.15am but there was no answer. I thought he was in work so I tried again at 10.15 when he goes on break. It went straight to answer phone. I still hadn't heard from him at 5pm and I was a little worried but assumed he was on a bender. At 11pm the police knocked the door to say his van had been found in the sea.
It took 10 days to recover my beautiful husband's body.
He left behind me and our 2 babies (4&5). I feel as though the world has come crashing down on us. Dd (5) misses him terribly and is struggling massively. She is terrified that I am going to die and her behaviour is just awful at the moment. DS (4) is absolutely fine. He talks about his daddy very matter of factly.
To top off an already horrific situation, there is a rumour going around that ive been having an affair with DHs best friend for months. My MiL quite evidently blames me for DHs death. And i now have to deal with the awful situation of getting probate sorted so I can sell our house. And then there's the inquest to deal with.
It's all so so shit.
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Bereavement
DH committed suicide, body found 10 days later part 2
MamaTeeTee · 03/02/2016 09:12
I remember you previous thread, and I didn't want to read and run.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and all the utter shitness of it all.
Have a virtual hug x
So sorry 
I remember your first thread. Winston's Wish are very good at supporting a child through a bereavement.
For you, I can recommend the book "A Special Scar".
My sister didn't commit suicide per say, but she refused dialysis treatment and died. She had learning disabilities which made the situation very difficult and complicated. I found the book v helpful.
Disgusted at those twats spreading rumours about you!
I'm so sorry for what you're going through, it must be agony for you and your dc. Your story has brought tears to my eyes.
I would say your DD's (and indeed your DS's) reaction is fairly typical - your DS hasn't processed it yet, and your DD has reacted with the real fear of losing other loved ones. My DD reacted similarly to the death of my Dad when she was 6.
It is all so shit dealing with probate and practical matters like the sale of houses, when you just need time and space to process your loss and grieve. I hope you have some real life support to help with this. Someone who can help you with the horrible paperwork?
Your MIL is suffering horrific loss too, and will be lashing out - you are not to blame, but sometimes people like to put the blame on others. I hope she will come round soon.
Calming 
for you.
Mama I remember your first post I remember reading the news online but I appear to have missed they found your husbands body. I so so glad they did I'm so glad you can out him to rest and you have somewhere to take the children to talk to him. These rumors are stupid and I do wonder sorry but if your mil is behind them I remember her not passing on information to you.
Do keep your head up high you've done to wrong and there was nothing you could do to stop your husband. Live a good and strong life for your self and your baby's
Take care of yourself.
Mama you are in my thoughts too
I'd try to keep your distance from MIL for the time being. Her wake behaviour is disgusting and spreading rumours just vicious.
I saw your other thread and I think of you often mama. You are doing great.
My dsis dp died in an accident at home whilst dsis was in hospital with their baby. She had to break into their home to find him. The only thing more horrific then losing the man she loved was his mothers response. She told everyone he committed suicide because dsis made his life hell (suicide was dismissed by the police who attended, his GP and the coroner). The mother lost not only her ds but her dgs too because my dsis had to go nc. It was the only way she could continue to put one foot in front of the other after her loss.
It was a horrific time for all of us but dsis is doing amazing now. She surrounded herself with people who cared and she got through it.
Continue to be kind to yourself. You and your DC will get through too
Your mil will.drive the kids out of her life if she's not careful 
so sad for you all
. I don't know what to say. I believe that the love you had, you still have, both yours for him and his for you. I'm sorry this happened and I hope that the practicalities sort themselves out. xxx
Hi Mama, I also read your original thread and you've been in my thoughts. I hope you have a good holiday and manage to have happy times with your children
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