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Not quite sure how to approach bereaved parents

(13 Posts)
PopcornFrenzy Sat 30-Jan-16 20:41:04

So last summer I found a hit and run victim who was sadly, already dead, I did everything I could to bring him back but couldn't. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him and would like to put some flowers on his grave. The thing is I have no idea where his grave is, I'm really struggling to on how to appraich his parents and think they would not take too kindly to a random stranger asking where their beloved son is. Should I just leave it or ask them via social media?

TheGoodEnoughWife Sat 30-Jan-16 20:50:06

Contact them, definitely. I am sure they would want to talk to you and tell you about their son and be reassured that someone tried all they could to bring him back.

BlackDoglet Sat 30-Jan-16 20:52:53

I wonder if you could find out how his parents are doing via the police who dealt with accident, they will have assigned a family liaison officer most likely who may give you some advice.
It must have been difficult for you, something you'll never forget thanks

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sat 30-Jan-16 20:54:56

Many years ago I was first on the scene of a collision between a car and a small child, the small child didn't survive (I did try but the injuries were to big to survive) so I understand a little of how you feel, I think the idea of asking the police is a good one.

ouryve Sat 30-Jan-16 20:55:34

If you're in contact with them, in any way, already, tell them you've been thinking of them. Ask how they're doing. Let them talk. Tell them you'd love to leave some flowers.

PopcornFrenzy Sat 30-Jan-16 21:14:39

It's still very raw when I think about him, my 5yo son was with me too, thankfully it hasn't affected him. I think I will message them and ask where his grave is, poor bloke was only 25 sad

anais2403 Sun 31-Jan-16 11:13:50

My daughter died suddenly 14 months ago in hospital, but in different circumstances. I would have no problem on the contrary with hospital staff (for example) contacting me. That people still think of her or continue to be shocked by her death makes me feel less alone. Not all bereaved parents will feel the same, but if you approach them sensitively and leave them the space to respond or not, they will probably be ok.

Musicaltheatremum Mon 01-Feb-16 20:30:22

I would try and contact. I lost my husband 4 years ago and a couple of years ago at a party I spoke to someone who told me she had helped my husband up when he had fallen outside our house. I was so grateful. (My husband had a brain tumour and he forgot things)I am always grateful to people who remember.

MiaAlexandrasmummy Wed 03-Feb-16 23:43:41

You aren't a random stranger. You found their son. He is real to you, just as he is real to his parents. Saying his name, acknowledging his existence, is what will touch them. It's ok to tell them that you think of him - when people die unexpectedly, others often worry about 'upsetting the family' by talking about them. You won't - they have already been through the worst nightmare of their lives. And actually, it's far harder when your beautiful child becomes invisible in conversations...

PopcornFrenzy Thu 04-Feb-16 22:36:35

Thank you for your replies, I have contacted them and they have lots of questions that I'm just not ready to answer just yet. I live in a different country at the moment so one day I hope to meet them. They have told me where his grave is so will put some flowers on when I'm next in the UK

TheGoodEnoughWife Fri 05-Feb-16 14:50:40

You contacted them and they have lots of questions and you are 'not ready' to answer them? I think that is pretty harsh I'm afraid. When I advised you to contact them I had thought you would talk to them about their son. Instead you have just left them knowing you know more but that you are not sharing it.
I think maybe you should think more carefully about what you do and it's affect on others and not just on you.

PopcornFrenzy Fri 05-Feb-16 22:20:56

yes I want to talk about their son but as I didn't know him the answers they want are 'what did he look like' I don't feel I can answer that sort of thing over a text message but face to face when I meet with them

Finola1step Fri 05-Feb-16 22:25:23

Maybe you can write to them. They have questions and yes, it would be best to perhaps meet face to face. But perhaps not. Especially if that can't happen for some time. Write a proper letter to them.

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