Anyone lost a loved one in violent or unnatural circumstances?

(8 Posts)
numbinsidehelp Sun 03-Jan-16 10:48:59

I'm trying to deal with the loss of my lovely dad who died in a car crash not long ago. I'm finding it very hard to come to terms with not only his death but also the abrupt and violent nature.

If you have lost a loved one in such a way, what has helped you. How do you stop the terrible thoughts and the feelings of anger/injustice? I just keep seeing him in the crumpled car and thinking about how he died. It keeps playing over and over in my head and makes me feel panicky and out of breath. My dad was the sweetest, kindest man and I don't know how to comprehend his death in such a way.

ItsANewDayToday Sun 03-Jan-16 12:09:55

I'm so very sorry to hear about your Dad. thanks. I've no experience but I can understand why it must be so difficult. Any death is sad but one that is preventable, or, even worse, caused by someone else must be very hard to cope with.
I hope you have plenty of RL support.

Sorry, I'm not much help.

Horsemad Sun 03-Jan-16 12:11:08

flowers I know what you mean about the replaying images in your head.
My Dad collapsed and died in the street, a long time ago now but I did the replaying thing. The brain needs to 'process' what has happened and I think it's normal to experience this.

Have you considered bereavement counselling? I didn't have any, but in hindsight it might have helped me I think.

Rainshowers Sun 03-Jan-16 22:01:03

I lost my dad last year following a road accident (although he was a pedestrian). I haven't even begun to come to terms with it to be honest, I know he's gone but the circumstances are something I don't really let myself think about. When I do, I replay things in my head and end up feeling similar to you. There's an overwhelming feeling of unfairness and injustice about the whole thing. I'm considering counselling but I'm not sure if I can face it just yet. Have you thought about any? I know we were given some information about the charity Brake by the police but I can't get far into their website without crying.

Orange1969 Tue 05-Jan-16 01:37:24

I'm so sorry about your dad thanks

My younger sister decided to end life saving treadmill and die. Everyone begged her to live but she would not change her mind. She had learning disabilities and ASD traits which meant rationalising with her was impossible.

There was nothing anyone could do and I had to watch slowly get more and more ill and frail. After seven horrific months, she had a cardiac arrest in hospital and died.

Sometimes, people decide they would prefer to end treatment and I understand that. I respected her decision and it gave her some control over her life.

However, I suffered flashbacks and nightmares for a year afterwards. I found therapy very helpful.

Orange1969 Tue 05-Jan-16 01:38:31

"Treatment" not "treadmill" blushconfused

JE1234 Tue 05-Jan-16 01:55:13

My first DH died in an RTA and my DF killed himself when I was a teen. Both haunted me in different ways. I kept getting flashbacks (I wasn't witness to either death) that kept getting more vivid and more embellished. I also used to obsess over the pain they would have been in and spent ages researching the stages of death and consciousness I each stage. It dominated my thinking during both waking and night hours. I did eventually get some counselling but I had already managed to get past most of it by the time I started. Time was a great healer but my God it took a long time.

porthtowanone Wed 03-Feb-16 22:44:10

Sorry for your loss ,My mum died after choking ,cant imagine how her last moments must have been . Am hoping time is a healer as its still very raw .

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now