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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

How do you cope?

19 replies

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 01/01/2016 22:20

My baby died this morning, my precious girl, just three months old, both sudden and quick all together. How do you cope? What do we do for the next few days? I know this must get easier but how do you make it to that point? I'm not sure we can

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magimedi · 01/01/2016 22:26

I don't know but I would just like to send you my love & sympathy at such a terrible time for you.

I am sure that there will be other people around soon who will be able to offer more practical advice.

You will be in my thoughts as I go to sleep tonight.

doitanyways · 01/01/2016 22:29

Oh, disillusioned, there is nothing I can say to help, I know, but my heart is going out to you and yours and I hope you will find some comfort in what I know must be an unbearable time. How terribly, heartwrenchingly sad

charlie0123 · 01/01/2016 22:32

Oh I am so sorry. Have you got friends/family with you? I am so sorry

zippyswife · 01/01/2016 22:48

I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can say to help or fix it. Time will help and go easy on yourself. Thinking of you.

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 01/01/2016 23:18

I just don't know what will get us through tonight and tomorrow. We're trying to get to the hospice but complicated because it's a weekend and bank holiday and we just aren't coping. We are at SIL's playing mindless board game just trying to survive the night

OP posts:

GloriaHotcakes · 02/01/2016 00:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShesGotLionsInHerHeart · 02/01/2016 00:10

I don't have any answers OP, but I am so so sorry for the loss of your daughter.

I guess breathe, try to eat if you can, sleep a little and just take it five minutes at a time if possible.

toriap2 · 02/01/2016 06:27

I am so so sorry for your loss. I think all you can do is be kind to yourself, accept any support you can, and take each moment as it comes.

Lilybensmum1 · 02/01/2016 06:43

Hi disillusioned, I hope you managed some rest last night. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, I don't know how you cope that's the worst loss imaginable, we have lost close family members so can only offer that by way of my experiences of grief.

I would not worry about trying to cope as such, it's such early days I felt I was on autopilot and would find the grief hit me later when it was clearer to see and think. Like others have said be kind to yourself, do what feels right at the moment and go with that. I can't imagine the place you must be in right now you mentioned sil what other support do up have? Don't try to put on any behaviour or feelings for anyone do what you need to. I'm so so sorry op, you will find the strength.

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 02/01/2016 12:19

I think it's just there can be no autopilot, we've lived in the hospital for so long, spent so long fighting and now there is nothing. All the things we did, peanut butter bagels on way to hospital, lunch in the hospital shop, researching tracheostomy, it no longer needs to be done. We haven't really livrd at home since May properly, almost every day apart from a brief time in the hospital. Not sure what to do in the real world

OP posts:

wannaBe · 02/01/2016 13:10

I remember your previous thread op and I am so so sorry for your loss.

I'v never been where you are, but I imagine that there is no one way to get through what you are going through at the moment. But what I would say is take all the support you are offered, both through family and friends and also through the hospital. Were you in touch with any organisations who dealt with your dd's condition who may be able to offer some support at this time? .

KittyandTeal · 02/01/2016 13:18

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

My counsellor gave me some invaluable advice. At the start you live one minute to the next, as time goes on that becomes hours and then days and then weeks. I'm now at the months stage but it's been a year!

Take every moment at a time. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotion it is at that time.

Practically I found the adult colouring books great, I could be doing something but it's didn't take much brain power, I could let my brain process quietly in the background. Don't try to do too much, your brain will need time to process and get things together.

I found life was very loud and bright and overwhelming when I stepped back into the real world, give yourself time and accept it. Even basic living will be exhausting for a while.

In practical terms to you have someone to help arrange her funeral/service?

Sands and arc will also be there for you if you need them.

Sucksfake1 · 02/01/2016 13:22

I lost my son at a day old. I remember feeling the same not sure what I should of been doing.

Medication helped I know it's Saturday but your local urgent care or even a and e will be able to give you something short term. That's if you think you need something of course.

and hugs there's no pain in the world comes even close to losing a child.

Iwonderif · 02/01/2016 13:42

There are no words to ease any of this. I'm desperately sorry. My baby boy died shortly after he was born. That will be 10 years ago in June. Never EVER did I imagine I'd get this far without him. 10 minutes was agony. But I'm still going & you will too. It feels like you have nowhere to turn or go to but you do.

There is no right or wrong way to deal with what lies ahead for you & your family. You must be very gentle on yourself and like someone previously wrote, take things very slowly. Very slowly. You will learn to adjust but please get as much help as you can. Specialist support groups are out there. I vouch for SANDS I now volunteer befriend for them.

Surround yourself with people you feel totally comfortable with and with whom you trust. Keep talking I know grief is so tiring but be honest to those around you with how you're feeling. Lean on others.

You're very much in my thoughts.

Iwonderif · 02/01/2016 13:47

I should have passed on my condolences too at the start of my previous post.

Afreshstartplease · 04/03/2016 16:42

I remember the thread when Rumer was born but I had somehow missed this one

So so sorry for your loss of your beautiful daughter

daisydalrymple · 05/03/2016 19:41

Please forgive me coming late to this, but I too remember when Rumer was born and the beautiful pics you posted. I'm so sorry to you and your dp for your loss.

I can't imagine how the last 2 months have been for you, but I hope you've managed to find some peace and the ache in your heart has eased a tiny bit. I will light a candle for your brave little fighter baby tonight. She really tried hard to hang around for as long as she could for your memories didn't she xx you will all be in my thoughts.

tilliebob · 05/03/2016 20:52

Oh you poor thing . I have no idea how you start getting over the loss of a child but I know a lot of wise people will be able to guide you through it on here X

KoalaDownUnder · 20/03/2016 09:12

I am so very sorry. I don't have the words.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

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