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A question about grief

(7 Posts)
numbinsidehelp Fri 25-Dec-15 10:16:13

My lovely dad was killed in an accident a few days ago with his partner. I am obviously extremely upset and I have gone through shock when I found out. At the moment I feel like the pain hits me in waves. I will be fine, normal, carrying on with things and then it will hit me and I will start crying, feel panic etc. Is this how grief displays itself? I am scared that it is going to suddenly hit me like a terrible thunderstorm that never ends. I feel I am pre-empting something which I am not sure will come. I am sure I am still in a state of shock but the fear of the "thunderstorm" is sort of lurking in my mind, giving me even more fear. I want to be able to know if I will suddenly be hit by this overwhelming grief as I have children and I don't know how I would cope. We have had the funeral already. It is all very surreal, more so because none of this happened in my home country so it all feels very far away but at the same time intensely close.

VulcanWoman Fri 25-Dec-15 10:30:48

I'm sorry for your loss.
That's sounds right about grief coming in waves. Just try and take each day as it comes and deal with that. Try not to look too far ahead. It's still very early days. Is there anything you and your family can do as a memorial where you are, as you weren't able to attend the funeral. Best wishes.

BoxofSnails Fri 25-Dec-15 11:10:01

What a very difficult time you've had, I'm so sorry for your loss.

That's such a good description of grief - the waves. Sometimes they're like those strong Atlantic surf waves and you do get a bit battered and bruised. Over time the waves get less but sometimes they never go, or they build up a little more at certain times - anniversaries, birthdays or just whenever.
In my experience - which is both professional and personal - that's a far more common description than some sort of 'thunderstorm'.

Ride the waves - you know how surfers do that? - they kind of go with it. You will feel as you feel and you might cry, you might to start with find yourself unable to do some things - but if you're flexible in how you approach it then these things won't seem as bad or last so long.
Thinking of you today xx

VulcanWoman Fri 25-Dec-15 11:53:00

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”

― Vicki Harrison

GloriaHotcakes Fri 25-Dec-15 12:01:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrangeRhinoInTraining Fri 25-Dec-15 12:05:01

Sounds completely, horrifically normal OP. Grieving is horrible and can make you feel like you're losing your mind BUT this too shall pass. It just takes time. Be kind to yourself.

MummyBex1985 Fri 25-Dec-15 16:58:08

I'm on my third wave today. It's normal to function OK and suddenly be a mess. I lost my my mum suddenly two weeks ago. I can now cope with basic tasks like housework, but it exhausts me after no time at all and I'll be upset again frequently. sad

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