He was abusive to his first wife and to my dad. Physically and emotionally. He was a functioning alcoholic. He never showed much interest in me and I haven't seen him for three years. He died of cancer in his sleep.
I feel...kind of relieved because he upset so many people and now he's gone, but also sad because, well, he was still my granddad and despite everything I still loved him.
I don't know. I just feel like I need to write it all out.
Sorry for your loss. I can identify with the sense of relief. You are a good person to have actually seen something to love in him.
Best wishes in sorting through it. Mumsnet blogging might help. It sounds like you have a story to tell that others may identify with. In writing about it, you may help others sort out their feelings, as well as sort out your own.