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i am struggling to come to terms with loosing both mum and dad this year and now my dogs on his last legs

(5 Posts)
pud1 Sun 20-Dec-15 14:06:42

please excuse what i know is going to turn into a long woe is me type thread.

i lost my mum in april this year to lung cancer. she had been diagnosed for 5 months. she was was quite ill for the final month but was not in a lot of pain and she died quickly and peacefully.

my dad was fantastic though out mums illness. he finished work and did not leave her side. Dad had bowel cancer a few years before and although he had a stoma he was fine. he started to get back ache in May and in june he had some bowel issues and went into hospital to have an op to sort out a blockage in his bowel. this was when his cancer was discovered. by July 1st he was diagnosed as terminal. Dad lived 150 miles away so every weekend i would go to stay with the 2 dds and oh. he spent lots of time in hospice and hospital. my aunty looked after him in the week. it was very draining on the whole family. my oh was so supportive.
dad died in october exactly 6 months to the day after mum. his death was horrendous. we were told on monday the 12 that he is at the end and that they are going to withdraw any treatment ( antibiotics and transufions) as well as iv fluids. he was on morphine and madazalam in a shrynge driver but they could not get the levels right and for 6 days he was in agony. it was the hardest thing i have ever witnessed. he was crying out in pain. there were a few occasions were his care was pretty bad. one day they had left his driver off for 2 hours whilst they found a doctor to re asses his dose. this meant that we had to fight all day to get his pain manageable with additional shot of morphine. on anther occasion he needed additional pain releif and i buzzed for a nurse only be told that we would have to wait 30 mins while they have a handover as the only nurse available was not able to administer the drugs he needed.

anyway, dad died and now i feel so empty, angry and drained. my oh is still supporting me. i am just about keeping it together and a few weeks ago i found out my 11 year old boxer has liver cancer. he is on steriods and they are helping but he is deteriorating. its not time to PTS yet but its near. he is peeing in the house due to the streriods and he has sone the other twice in the house today.

there is not real point to this thread really other than for me to get it all out.

i am thinking of getting involved in some campaigning for rare cancers, my dads was in the pertonium and i have found out that there may have been a treatment fr it in either the cristie or royal marsden. but this is something for the future. i am just trying to get through each day now

doitanyways Sun 20-Dec-15 14:08:30

What a horrendous year for you, and I imagine losing them so closely together must have been the grieving process strange xx

Don't put any pressure on yourself for this Christmas is my advice. I'm so sorry flowers

Varya Sun 20-Dec-15 14:10:52

Very sad for you .XX

MummyBex1985 Sun 20-Dec-15 19:35:49

I'm not surprised you feel the way you do. I've lost one parent recently and that's the hardest thing in the world (and my dog is ill too) and I think losing anything else would tip me over the edge. Well done for being able to come here and talk.

I think your idea about campaigning in the longer term is a good one. I've read a lot of articles on bereavement and this is one positive outcome that is consistently reinforced and can be a huge help in overcoming your feeling of loss.

Can you speak to a bereavement counsellor? I spoke to someone for the first time a couple of days ago and it helped massively. My mums death was traumatic for me but for different reasons and I know I need to work past that as well as the general grief process - would talking to someone help you too?

Thinking of you. flowers

pud1 Sun 20-Dec-15 20:15:10

thank you all

i have thought of seeing a bereavement counselor. i dont want this to sound flippant but i keep imagining sitting down and telling my story and them basically telling me that i am going to be pissed off and thats that.

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