Our first baby died 10 years ago yesterday.
Obviously, this time of year is always difficult for us, but we derive a lot of comfort from taking flowers to where we scattered her ashes and going to the crematorium to see her entry in the Book of Remembrance. The pages are turned each day, so the 19th December is only showing on the 19th December iyswim.
When we got the the crematorium yesterday, there was a printed note saying that the Book was being worked on, so go to the office if you wanted to see it, regret any inconvenience caused etc. Went to the office, and it was shut, as it's the weekend. I called the number for the crematorium and spoke to someone at the central office in Birmingham (we're in London), who was very apologetic, but confirmed indeed that the office would be shut all weekend.
I'm surprised how much this has devastated me. We've always been very much alone with our grief (our families don't acknowledge it, understandably friends forget as time goes on and it's such a busy time of year), but it's always felt like 'someone's remembered' when we've seen the entry in the Book of Remembrance. It means a lot to me to see her name written down once a year.
So that's it. I could call the crematorium this week and try to go, but I'll have my children with me and I don't want them to have to see me so upset any more, especially if I'm not able to see the entry.
The 10 year marker has been so hard, and I'd hoped to be feeling better once I got to the other side, but it's the opposite this year.
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Bereavement
The Book of Remembrance wasn't there
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christinarossetti · 20/12/2015 12:09
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