Just lost my mum. Devastated.

(92 Posts)
MummyBex1985 Fri 11-Dec-15 17:35:44

I don't even know where to start.

My mum had a massive brain haemorrhage and there was no treatment. I sat with her whilst she was on a ventilator, knowing she couldn't survive.

I can't even start processing it. I'm broken right now. She was only 62. I'm 30 and didn't expect to deal with this for years.

My mum loved Christmas and we had plans for this coming Christmas (like every other). Now I just feel overwhelming heartbreak even thinking about Christmas and knowing she won't be there. My best memories of her were around this time of year and now I feel like it's been tainted. Her funeral will be two days before Christmas Day.

Just had to write it down. I'm not coping.

OP’s posts: |
Fugghetaboutit Fri 11-Dec-15 17:36:59

I'm so sorry, such a terrible time to lose her too. Be kind to yourself flowers

Rosa Fri 11-Dec-15 17:42:39

How terrible for you . Have you friends / family who could help and support you right now ?
Its a terrible time of year to loose someone - Sending you strength ,xxxx

battlebacktonewlife Fri 11-Dec-15 17:44:33

So sorry for your loss. x

MummyBex1985 Fri 11-Dec-15 17:44:54

Thank you.

My family live a long way away but they were at the hospital with us when it happened. They were a great support. My dad has been great too (my parents divorced when I was a teenager but they got on ok).

I just feel so angry that she doesn't get to grow old and she won't see any more Christmases. She won't see her grandchildren grow up and she loved them to pieces. I feel so guilty that I didn't see her more.

Everything's just overwhelming right now.

OP’s posts: |
LisaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 11-Dec-15 17:47:08

MummyBex1985, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum. Sending you a big hug across the miles. Losing a parent is such a hard thing to go through but I found what a friend said at a time like this when my DH lost his Dad very comforting. She wrote: 'Your Dad lives on in you'. And as the days pass you'll see how true that is about your Mum too - you'll see her in your smile, or your laugh, or how you like your tea - and then you'll realise she'll always be with you. Know too that it does get easier, bit by bit, day by day. Try to keep remembering the good times you did share rather than the ones you won't, and light a special candle for her on the 25th.

P1nkP0ppy Fri 11-Dec-15 17:47:12

So very sorry Bex, is there anyone who can be with you?
No one really copes when this happens, it's just taking it one minute at a time I'm afraid. Very much thinking of you ((Hugs)) x

TooMuchFuckingPerspective Fri 11-Dec-15 17:48:50

I lost my mum 2 years ago and so I can relate to how you may be feeling right now. It is normal to feel like you can't cope because it is such a massive thing to have to cope with. I still have days when I feel that way.
The thing to do is take a day at a time and don't expect anything from yourself. Do what you need to do to get by and talk to your loved ones as much as you can. Let them help and support you through this.
Take care xxx

chickindude Fri 11-Dec-15 17:49:41

It's so very hard. My Mum died from a brain bleed, she was 70. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Lilybensmum1 Fri 11-Dec-15 17:51:56

Hi mummy, sorry about your dm. My DH lost his mum 7 days before Christmas last year same age and similar circumstances to your dm.
We went through similar thoughts and we just got through Christmas in a blur, how you feel now sounds about how you expect someone to deal with grief like this.

Try not to over analyse what you are feeling just go with it, take each day, hour minute as it comes. The guilt passes I felt this in the early days and after time you reconcile this guilt and realise you did the best you could.

Be kind to yourself, cry do what feels right.

thesandwich Fri 11-Dec-15 17:54:15

I am so sorry. Take all the help offered and do or don't do whatever you feel like- no rights or wrongs. Loads of wisdom and support here and someone to listen whenever you need it.

MummyBex1985 Fri 11-Dec-15 18:27:42

Thank you all. It really means a lot that you've taken the time to reply. And I completely understand everything you're saying.

It's just so unfair. I don't understand why it had to happen.

Thank you for giving me somewhere to release.

OP’s posts: |
Turquoisetamborine Fri 11-Dec-15 18:30:56

Aw honey that's horrendous, my heart goes out to you. Keep talking about her and do whatever feels right at this time. I'm glad you have people around you.
I bet your mam knew how much you loved her.

grassroots Fri 11-Dec-15 18:39:31

So sorry for your loss. x

beeny Fri 11-Dec-15 18:44:44

So sorry my mum died from a massive brain bleed at 63,i was 26. I am now 45 crying reading your post x

MummyBex1985 Fri 11-Dec-15 19:38:32

I'm sorry that happened to you beeny. It's one of the worst things I've ever gone through.

We donated my mums organs though. There's some comfort from that. One of my friends said she'd given those families the best Christmas present ever and that's so true. She was so kind and always helped others, at least she got to do that as her final act of kindness.

OP’s posts: |
thesandwich Fri 11-Dec-15 20:46:31

Oh bex. Take comfort in that and she lives on- in you and her family. Here is a great place to rage, get angry- whatever you need. Someone yo listen and hold a long distant hand when you need it. Take care.

EnlightenedOwl Fri 11-Dec-15 20:50:27

so very sorry. An inadequate thing to say but feel so desperately sad for you xxxx

fluffygreenmonsterhoody Fri 11-Dec-15 21:03:21

So sorry for your loss.

And thank you for saving someone else's life. What a heartbreaking, wonderful thing to do.

beeny Fri 11-Dec-15 21:05:30

Sorry Bex looks like i was not really thinking about you,it just resonated so much.You have said your mum was kind people never forget that.xx

GlitteryFluff Fri 11-Dec-15 21:09:03

I'm so sorry for your loss Bex thanks xx

Fatrascals Fri 11-Dec-15 21:12:09

So sorry for you and your family bex
Your mum sounds like a special woman.
She died in peace with you right there.
She gave life to someone else as her final gift-how amazing xx

hellocleveland Fri 11-Dec-15 21:17:42

I'm so sorry for your loss. No time of years is a good time to lose someone but it's especially difficult for you as we are so close to Christmas.

My mum also died of a bleed on the brain. She was 52 and I was 30. I'm 47 now and still miss her.

Your mum will always be a part of you. I do hope you have support to get you through the next few months. Xx

FiveGoMadInDorset Fri 11-Dec-15 21:21:04

I am so sorry for your loss, my father died last week while on holiday, he is not home yet and we all feel in limbo as nothing can be planned until we have a date. What a lovely family you are to donate organs

MarzipanDildo Fri 11-Dec-15 21:22:13

Didn't want to read and run. I rarely post/reply to anything but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss.

How utterly awful for you. Sending virtual hugs/flowers/wine xxx

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in