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How do I help my children help their cousin.'s with the loss of their mum?

(7 Posts)
MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Fri 11-Dec-15 11:02:10

Very Sadly my sister in law died a couple of weeks ago. She left behind my brother and two DD's aged 10&6.

She'd had cancer which was spreading and we knew that it was terminal but we were expecting a few more months when she caught pneumonia, which fairly quickly took her.

It's horrible and sad but as a family we are coping and will be there for my brother and his girls.

How though do I help my children? They weren't close to their Auntie and so that element hasn't effected them too much yet. But they are very close to their cousins and are the same age.

My 10yr old DD wants to know what to say to her cousin (who she classes as her best friend - and vice versa). I have said that if DN wants to talk about her mum then she should let her. Also not to worry about mentioning her eithe. But What other advice can I give her, not only for my DN but also to help DD cope with a very sad cousin.

Also, what do I say to my 6yr old DS? So far I've told him that if his cousin (also 6 and whom he is also very close to) gets upset that he should give her a cuddle and then come and find a grown up.

Please be assured that I am not putting any kind of responsibility on my DC but it is inevitable that they will be alone with my DN.'s as they play together and I'd like to help everyone out with the right tools to help each other.

Phew.. Long post sorry!

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Fri 11-Dec-15 19:06:32


Borninthe60s Fri 11-Dec-15 19:16:44

I don't really know but I'd probably go onto the Macmillan website as they might have a leaflet you can read or print for DC to understand how their cousins are feeling. In my experience their website was a godsend and kept me sane. Also if you've a local hospice I'm sure they'd have someone who could advise you.

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Fri 11-Dec-15 19:19:49

Thankyou Born I'll have a look and see.

Oly5 Sat 12-Dec-15 21:33:23

There's a children's bereavement charity that will be able to help. I'll look up the name

Oly5 Sat 12-Dec-15 21:34:19

It's called Winston's Wish
Give them a call
And there's child bereavement uk

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Sat 12-Dec-15 22:19:12

Thankyou Oly.

My brother is in touch with Winston Wish. I hadn't thought to call them myself. Good idea.

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