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First Christmas after loosing your parent. when you live far away from the rest of the family

(10 Posts)
Enkopkaffetak Wed 09-Dec-15 10:53:22

My mum died in May this year.

I have lived in the uk for 25 years (married with children) The rest of my family are all in DK.

I have not spent Christmas with her really for the last 15 years (apart from 1 where we went to DK) However I am finding I am getting very tearful this year. I keep remembering Childhood Christmasses and I (unlikely for me) struggle with getting into the Christmas spirit - no Decorations up for example No cards written not got a lot of presents bought.

I just seem stuck and I deep down know it has to do with my mum so I guess wondering how others coped when they were in this situation. I think the distance makes a difference hence I started a different thread to the other one that is on here.

mumblechum1 Wed 09-Dec-15 21:49:21

My mum died in October and like you I've lived hundreds of miles away all my adult life, so we very rarely had Christmas together.

I actually think I've got it much easier because of that. It'll be much harder for my family who all still live close to one another, as this will be the first Xmas that she hasn't been with them, whereas for me it's the same as the last 31 xmases.
I'm far more concerned for how my dad in particular will be feeling waking up alone on Xmas day and having to put a brave face on.

mumblechum1 Wed 09-Dec-15 21:50:33

Sorry, re reading my post I sound really unsympathetic. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you're ok.

voodoolooloo Wed 09-Dec-15 22:08:09

My mum died this year. We live 200 miles away.
I have no idea how I will cope.
Sending you my heart felt condolences.
I never thought it would be this difficult

Enkopkaffetak Fri 11-Dec-15 22:36:54

You didn't sound unsympathetic Mumble. smile I think differently though as I think my sister niece dad and stepdad will all have each other together this year (they are all at my sisters - dad and stepdad get on fine) So I think they will have a lovely time even without mum there.

I feel like Voodoo its just difficult and I don't know how to deal with it.

mumblechum1 Sat 12-Dec-15 10:37:34

I see what you mean 😞.
I just know everyone up there keeps telling me they're dreading Christmas because it won't be the same without her.

I hope you manage to have a nice time with your husband and children.

MummyBex1985 Sat 12-Dec-15 14:05:17

My mum died this week. We spent every Christmas together. I don't know how I'll get through it either.

Just to let you know you're not on your own feeling like you are flowers

Enkopkaffetak Sat 12-Dec-15 20:28:05

Thank you..

So sorry to hear about your mother MummyBex at least I have had some time to get used to the idea...

FinallyHere Sat 12-Dec-15 20:51:07

Sorry for your loss.

Cut yourself some slack. The year my father died, I avoided anything with Christmas spirit, only sent a few cards, to elderly people who would be upset to not receive one from me and generally tied to go easy on myself.

I was surprised how much better I dealt with it all, the following year. Its never going to be the same, but it does get easier. I hope it goes well for you.

Oly5 Sat 12-Dec-15 21:19:30

I also lost my mum this week. I will miss her so much as I've spent 37 Christmases with her. Myself and my siblings have young dcs so we will make it a brilliant Xmas do them... But inside I'll be very sad. You're not alone

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