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First Christmas without Dad - ideas to help us through?

(11 Posts)
rebellove Tue 08-Dec-15 16:43:15

Lost DF to cancer earlier this year. I'm an only one and have two young DC's, a DH who can be moody and IL's who are a PITA and who are landing on us yet again for a week's all-expenses-paid holiday for Christmas (they live far away and drive to stay with us for about six separate weeks per year).
I'm trying as best as I can to support my DM who is not coping well and at the same time, I am also grieving and trying to juggle jobs, kids, house etc. This morning I privately broke down in a state as DH has been in another mood with me for some reason unbeknown to me and I'm feeling full of a cold and generally low.
I want to try and get mum through Christmas as best I can despite the pain of loosing dad. IL's will want to carry on as though nothing has changed because that's the way they are..
Sorry - I feel like a rant at the moment! I really just wanted to ask if anyone has any advice on how to cope with loss at the first Christmas.

ChristmasTurkey2015 Tue 08-Dec-15 16:45:26

Where is your DM?
Sorry for your loss flowers

ChristmasTurkey2015 Tue 08-Dec-15 16:47:55

I mean...can you tell who you need time with your mother, leave the kids with him whilst th ILs are there too...and go off and have some quality Chris time with your mum (and without husband!)

Is that an option?

Akire Tue 08-Dec-15 16:51:48

Where is you mum spending Christmas? Is there time Christmas morning after kids have done gifts for her to visit you or you pop over there for few hours?
Are you planning put flowers on grave before Christmas that can help feel including them.

LittlePixieMa Tue 08-Dec-15 16:52:47

Hey Rebellove
So sorry for your loss. Try not to have too many expectations, you'll work through it. Could you have a nice quiet walk with your DM? Talk about awesome memories of your DF, laugh, cry, express any emotions that need to be expressed. Then later on have time with her and your DCs, watch them open their pressies, which I'm sure your Ma will love?

Sending hugs your way xx

rebellove Thu 10-Dec-15 11:39:00

Thanks all for your helpful replies. DM is going to stay with us. I've had a chat with her and she would like it if we could do things a bit differently but she's not sure what so I need to think. Might suggest we go out for a walk with the DC's Christmas Day.

Tink06 Sun 13-Dec-15 02:37:58

Is there any way you could cancel the in laws or at least have a quiet xmas day just with dm and let them come boxing day? Then you can take it as it comes and have your quiet teary moments.
My Dad died this year - similar circumstances. We are going for big family day, all together but Mum lives literally a minute away so she/anyone else can escape if it all gets a bit too much. Good luck and be kind to yourself - do what you need to to get through it.

Phoenix69 Sun 13-Dec-15 19:40:22

Three years ago my dad and my wife died a couple of months before Xmas. I I always did Xmas at my house, I did things differently - had some friends over for drinks late morning, can't remember what else I did differently! But the upshot was that we all felt we were trying to do things differently and since I have gone back usual routine and my daughters and mum prefer it and we can remember them. Including playing my dads favourite games that he always cheated at. Now I cheat.

Lovepolkadots Sun 13-Dec-15 20:06:13

Hi sorry to hear you've lost your dad. I lost my dad this year too. Im going to remember him the same as I do everyday as he is in my heart and always will be. He would have wanted me to look after my mum and chin up and get on with it. Ill have a sherry in his honor ( he was the only one who'd drink it with me) I hope he's somewhere looking down on us all. winewink

Helenluvsrob Sun 13-Dec-15 20:25:41

Lost my mum this year sad

I'm struggling but trying hard to make as positive " different, but new different" in my focus. I can't shop for the in laws ( though et are lovely) and dh doesn't do gift shopping ( just think " mum woukd like that, and I hits me again) . So I'm sewing things instead- they, in turn are cutting back the budget they spend on us adults ( that's fine, I can buy myself a perfect gift) .

The change that is new for me me is being lucky enough to have both elder kids and their partners for Xmas. I'm doing stockings etc. Much as I'd like to wallow in the past that's no good to anyone so I'm trying to look to the future.

beachhead Tue 05-Jan-16 00:12:23

Hi Rebel love Oh -Let it out now - I'm gonna join you.

I'm so sorry for your loss, you mirror me in similar way, feeling sad to read your message.

I 've not been up to socialing or much, having lost my Dear Dad 7th Dec, just been refusing a few social gatherings.

I've just had to host my in-laws and sister and dear mum at Christmas, I've only just got my house back.

This was following the funeral on 23rd Dec .

Its been so hectic, I havent had time to even start to grieve,but feel very tired, no energy , carnt talk to anyone really, my my poor mum wont want me moaning, she wanted the family altogether for Christmas, which is understandable.

I've only just had a day on my own today, with my children back to school, now I'm thinking it all through.

How are coping ? I wish I could have joined you're chat before Christmas.

I've been and got signed off my part time job at Doctor for 4weeks! Was only due 3 days bereavement leave, which is disgusting for s local authority.

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