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Family falling apart

(3 Posts)
bayley84 Sun 06-Dec-15 18:03:31

Hello all.

So, i find myself in a situation that i don't know how to put right. To be honest, i don't think i can!

I was extremely close to my Grandparents, on the phone everyday, sometimes more than once a day talking about complete rubbish and having a laugh. I visited them regularly and loved them to bits! Unfortunately my Gran died on the 14th Dec last year and i think it's fair to say that i lost my bestfriend. Someone who i could talk to about everything and no matter what the situation, we could always find the funny side and laugh it off. When she died i lost that. I didnt have that person to go to.

After she passed away my Grandad started hitting the skids a bit and shocked us all by not wanting a funeral. When my Dad organised one, he refused to go stating the he said his goodbyes in the Hospital and we all choose to respect this. After the funeral though, he arranged for the ashes to be spread at the Cemetery without any of us being present or even knowing about it. To be honest, this got my back up massively and been so close to her, i felt that this isn't the way she would have wanted to go and deserved alot better. He refused to tell relatives abroad that she had fallen ill until she died and did the same with my dads sister. She found out one day when she called to see how they both were (granted, they had a wobbly relationship to start with anyway)

When i visit the Cemetry there is nothing that reminds me of her and i vowed that i would change this. This i've been able to do and have arranged for a Rose bush/plaque which will be 'delivered' around the date of the 1st anniversay. This though has been very difficult for me to come to terms with and has stupidly resulted in me not seeing him since May. I resent him for how he behaved and the way things were dealt with. As times gone by, it's become harder and harder to reconnect.

Fast forward to the present day and i find that out of the blue he has cut ties with my Dad and his partner who have visited regularly. An injunction order has been granded and things have got to a ridiculous point that is non recoverable. He's stated he has no relatives, no next of kin. Nobody knows/understands why this has happened but it's been made clear he doesn't want to see them again.

I feel for my Gran's sake and his that i need to reconnect with him. I have today tried visiting, calling and emailing. As i write this i am waiting for a response but very much doubt i will get one. If not, i will send a letter but am worried that our ties are also cut. In this situation, what can i do? I fear that i will also be ordered to keep away or face arrest.

It's late in the day i admit, partially my fault and i will continue to try (even if it's a case of just sending Christmas/Birthday cards). It may sound like i am writing this to get sympathy, knowing fine well that the opportunity has been there to fix this a long time ago. But as i sit here i don't know what to do.

QOD Sat 02-Jan-16 21:53:50

Any news?

canyou Sat 02-Jan-16 22:10:12

flowers how old is your Grandfather? Is it possible he has dementia/alzhimers ? Forgetfullness is not always a sign of dementia or in his shock he may have had some sort of break down. Can, if you get no response speak to his GP /district nurse and just say you do not want info on him but he is behaving in such a manner and you are concerned at least that way he is on the rader even if nothing can come of it.
Dont force a visit but I would continue to write or email and send cards pictures etc. Post might be better then email as it means others may see the contact so if family is needed they can find you.

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