help! had mc but 21 others pregnant at work

[rmum20]

It is 3 weeks since I had my second (early )miscarriage in 8 months, my current sick note runs out this week, there is no real reason not to go back to work apart from the fact that there are 21 other people pregnant at work, and I dont feel I can go back yet, particularly as I am a nurse and have to work xmas eve, xmas week. Also I regularly deal with patients and relatives in distressing situations, but nearly cried in the supermarket yesterday when I saw a new baby, and didnt take DS to toddler group for fear of seeing other pregnant ladies. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

[olittletownofberolina]

I'm very sorry for your mcs, rmum. Goodness, 21 people - it must all seem very cruel I miscarried twice in two cycles earlier this year, and also once before ds, at which time my two closest female friends were 5 and 6 months pg respectively. I found that very, very hard. I found the best way to cope with it was actually to seek them out, spend time with them, 'expose' myself to it, as it were, and can advise that with time it gets better. However, by the time my friends' babies were born I was just pg again, with ds, so I didn't have that 'test' iyswim.

Give yourself space to grieve, at home where you don't have to hold it together. If closer colleagues know what you've been through thy should hopefully be sensitive - if they persist in ostentatiously waving scan pictures and holding name discussions in front of you and you find that hard, it's perfectlöy legitimate to have a quiet word that you're not coping too well with that atm (although of course they can't be expected to avoid all mentions of the topic).

The Miscarriage Association might have further info that could help you.

Thinking of you.

[Helgand]

This is really tough. If you think you need some more time in order to do your job 'properly' (not implying you wouldn't, just realise that being a nurse needs 100% concentration and ability to switch off from own situation and concentrate on others) then you should see your gp about extending your sick note. Maybe though, you don't think any amount of time would make it easier. I guess with nursing you can't just take some annual leave, but if that is possible, maybe you could do that? Do any of your 21 pg colleagues know you have had a mc? It will be hard enough seeing them let alone if they don't know to have a bit of discretion with you. What about your boss? Is s/he a sympathetic type of person you could talk to? I had a mc 10 days ago and since then have (seemingly) been bombarded with friends and relations ringing to say they are pg. What does dh/dp think? I really hope you get some good advice on this thread. Lots of hugs.

[rmum20]

Thanks both of you, good to hear from those who understand, sorry you have had to go through pain as well. I should be speaking to my boss this week about options to return to work, she is usually sypathetic. GP will write a sick note for 2 weeks if I want, guess I feel guilty taking time off at xmas. My mother told me to "buck up" when I mentioned taking more time off.

[doodlebop]

I am very sorry for your mcs. I too had a miscarriage at the beginning of this year and 4 days before my due date my sister gave birth to her daughter. That was 2 weeks ago and i still haven't been able to call my sister. You must do things in your own time and when you are ready. if you don't feel like going to work yet then don't as you will only upset yourself.

[rmum20]

I appreciate how you feel doodlebop, Im sure your sister will understand

[liquidclocks]

Hi rmum20, I too worked in a hospital with lots of pregnant colleagues whe I lost my first baby in the 2nd trimester, It's really is so hard to concentrate properly going back, one of my wards was the obs/gynae one too which shared an entrance with the maternity ward so I'd see alll the little babies going home each day.

I can just reassure you that it does get easier. But, if you're not ready to go back then don't, wait until after Christmas. And ignore your mother, she obviously has no idea how much this has affected you. Nursing is an extremely demanding job and you have to be on the ball - one of the only perks of the NHS is the full sick pay so use it and DON'T feel guilty.

[Uki]

Give your ds a huge hug and enjoy him. I also have one ds and had 2x m/c before him and also one after him in August. He gives me alot of strength as I'm so lucky to have him.
I know a few Nurses and you are fantastic to do it. I understand you need not only physical but emotional strengh. I hope you feel better soon.

[marimoo]

I know what you are going through. I had m/c earlier this year and came back to work a while later. Two male colleagues had pregnant wives who I would receive regular updates about. They didn't mean to be horrible, they just didn't think cos of their own excitement. The way I tried to look at it was at least they did not have to go what I went through. I would not wish it on anybody. Is there a way you could go back on reduced hours to start with to see how you get on? You may find a few hours at work will distract you. Whatever you decide, things will get easier.