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mum passed away suddenly

(35 Posts)
hilbil21 Sat 28-Nov-15 07:26:48

We found my mum this past Monday she had died on (we think) the Sunday of what the post mortem has told us was an enlarged heart. We saw her on Saturday for a while and she was absolutely fine. I'm an only child and my dad passed away 4 years ago. I'm really struggling knowing I'm "alone" although I have my son (8 months) and fiancé, I don't feel like I have anyone left! Hoping I get over it xx

Hassled Sat 28-Nov-15 07:32:07

Oh I'm so sorry. That feeling of "alone in the world" when both parents have died is awful, I know - but you're right, you need to think about the new family you've created. You don't really get over it - but you do learn to manage it - and it's very early days for you. When you're ready, maybe think about some bereavement counselling?

Euripidesralph Sat 28-Nov-15 07:33:41

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry , I would also encourage some counselling that's a tough place to be

hilbil21 Sat 28-Nov-15 07:41:49

I think I may look at counselling in the long run. When my dad passed away although I was sad, my mum was still here so life carried on fairly normally. I just find it really weird to think there's nobody left that I know would be on my side no matter what happened etc X

ssd Sat 28-Nov-15 16:00:00

op, I know exactly what you mean thanks

hilbil21 Sat 28-Nov-15 17:13:43

Ssd I take it you are/have been in same position X

magimedi Sat 28-Nov-15 17:55:56

So sorry to hear your news.

I have been parentless for about 18 years now (am 60) & it is tough.

I have a wonderful DH, lovely DC & now a grandchild.

However, there are still times, no very often, when I 'want my mummy', when I know that no one else cared quite like she did. Usually when I am ill - I want to be tucked up in bed by her!

You will learn to manage it, just take things slowly & look after yourself for now. You are now the same to your son as she was to you.

flowers

I know exactly how you feel, I have a brother but it's not the same. My mum died 10 years ago and my dad earlier this year. Still can't bring myself to delete his number from my phone. Every time I see it it makes me sad cause I can't phone him or talk to him again but actually deleting it is just too final. My dh and DD have got me through the worst of my grief but it's tough I think at any age. flowers

So sorry for your loss

HelenaJustina Sat 28-Nov-15 18:09:32

flowers sorry for your loss

magimedi Sat 28-Nov-15 18:11:51

Everything - It took me about 8 years to finally let go of things that were my mothers.

She had all the tiny diaries that she used to carry in her handbag (well pre mobile phone area) that I found in a cupboard. All they had in them were appointments & birthdays but it took me years to be able to get rid of them. There is no rush with grief & no timetable. It is different for all of us.

flowers

ssd Sat 28-Nov-15 21:26:37

my house is full of mums stuff, I threw out a tin of soup from hers that I'd kept for 3 years, just 2 days ago

I agree with magimedi totally.

magimedi Sat 28-Nov-15 22:21:27

Thank you ssd

flowers for you &your mum.

ANd Imeant 'era' not area - fat fingers.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 28-Nov-15 22:26:41

I'm so sorry, hil. I lost my mum a few weeks ago. I know exactly what you're going through. You'll have your good days and bad days .
Love and support
flowers

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark Sat 28-Nov-15 22:31:28

flowers for you OP.

M4blues Sat 28-Nov-15 22:43:16

It's hard. I lost my mum suddenly in my early 30s. My dad soon after. The hardest part was not having my parents around with my young children as 3 of my 4 never met my mum. Dh's mum was a single mum who also died young. It's a big sadness for me that 3 of my children have never met a GP and the eldest was just a baby really.

You don't get over it but it gets easier to cope with and you sort of get used to it. Give yourself time and do consider counselling. Good quality grief counselling is very useful. Don't dwell on the fact that your DS won't remember your mum. Instead, think how you can removed her to him. Perhaps by telling him later how she read to him, how she felt when he was born. Perhaps keep an item of clothing she bought him. I kept an outfit my mum had bought ds1 and it was a huge comfort to be able to dress ds2&3 in it too.
flowers

M4blues Sat 28-Nov-15 22:44:31

Sorry, remember not removed

ImperialBlether Sat 28-Nov-15 22:46:55

I'm so sorry. It must have been a terrible shock for you. I'm really glad for her and for you that she lived to see your baby.

flowers

sandgrown Sat 28-Nov-15 22:50:33

Sorry to hear your sad news. However old you are it's rotten being an "orphan"flowers

hilbil21 Sun 29-Nov-15 09:45:12

Thanks everyone xx

ssd Sun 29-Nov-15 12:44:59

sorry op, I didnt answer you before.

yes, I'm in the same position, although I do have siblings, they have lived hundreds of miles away for over thirty years and had practically no relationship with me or mum. my dad died 17 years ago and mum died 3 years ago and apart from dh and the 2 dc's, I am completely on my own, no other grandparents, no aunties or uncles or anyone. Its a very lonely place and I miss my parents every day. Like you I was broken hearted when dad died, but I still had mum and she had me, now they are both gone I only have my own family. I think maybe having such distant and uncaring siblings makes it worse, as I always expected us to be close, even though we all live far apart, but reality hit when mum died and they went back to their lives and didnt contact me at all or ask how I got on clearing mums house out alone or what I did with her stuff. I cant forget how indifferent to me they have been and I've wished many times I was an only child.

But sorry, dont want to derail your thread.

hilbil21 Sun 29-Nov-15 16:42:40

No it's not derailing at all I'm interested In other people's experiences. I just have a kind of anxious empty feeling in my chest at the moment it's horrible but I know it will lift in the end. It's my sons first Christmas this year so really really going to need to try and make the effort for him xx

magimedi Sun 29-Nov-15 18:16:20

hilbil, it's very, very early days for you - am I right in saying scarcely a week since you Mum died?

The feeling will lift, it won't go away completely for some time, possibly but things will get better again.

Take things slowly, try to eat as well as you can & don't forget to drink plenty as it's all too easy to get dehydrated which won't help you at all. If you are a keen exerciser (is that a word?) go ahead with it - if not try a few gentle walks - all sounds so basic & obvious but so easy to forget.

And this is a great place to come & cry, shout or whatever - you know you are not upsetting any one you know.

Take care. flowers

hilbil21 Sun 29-Nov-15 18:37:46

Yeah we found her a week ago tomorrow so it's very early days. I'm trying to carry on with life as normally as possible (baby groups etc). I just hate feeling like this and my other half works offshore so I'm dreading him going back to work aswell.

It's good to be able to come on here, especially if I don't want to bother people in "real life"

X

magimedi Sun 29-Nov-15 19:50:28

It's good to be able to come on here, especially if I don't want to bother people in "real life"

That is so true, in the nicest possible way you know that we can always turn you off!!! (Not that I will.)

Offshore is tough - I am assuming Aberdeen & the rigs as have been there & got that T shirt!

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