This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
My mum died last Friday(5 Posts)
Last Thursday I went to stay with my mother (she lived) 3 hours away. She had been discharged home from intermediate care the week before so she was at home where she wanted to be. My mother (85) had a heart attack just before I was due to leave to come home. She had a DNR but I called the ambulance service who came within 10 minutes. As she did not have the red form for the DNR we had to ring her GP as she was certain that she did not want treatment.
The paramedic was getting ready to give her pain killers when he came out to tell me that she was going so I went and sat next to her holding her hand and talking softly to her as she died - about 10 minutes after the ambulance arrived. I don't think that anything could have been done to revive her even without the DNR.
I have to say that the paramedics were wonderful but because the GP wouldn't sign the death certificate because they were not expecting the death we had to have the police as well. One of the paramedics took on the job of making coffee and tea for everyone as they arrived over the next three hours- I am one of five - supporting as all. The GP then looked at my mothers notes again and decide that they could issue a DC so fortunately there has not had to be a post-mortem.
I am so grateful that my mother was not on her own when she died but I just hope I did the right things for her.
You certainly did the right thing & I am so glad for you & your mother that you were with her when she died. We would all wish to be holding a loved ones hand at the last moment.
I was with my father when he died & it still comforts me more than 20 years later.
Take care of yourself for now.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your DM. It sounds like a shocking experience for you, at the same time, you must have been so pleased to have been there for her at the end.
You did do the right things at the end. Holding her hand and talking to her is all that anyone could wish for.
How are you doing? How are you feeling?
I would like to offer my sympathy and condolences at this difficult time.
It sounds like she had a 'good' death. Was she peaceful do you think?
She was in her own home as you say, with family and didn't linger in pain or undergo a prolonged death that was facilitated by withdrawal of fluids.
Do you worry about whether calling the ambulance was somehow disrespectful to her wishes? Neither of you could have predicted the outcome of her heart attack - imagine if she had survived it in pain or discomfort for much longer than she did. That would have been more distressing for her (and everyone).
I hope I've understood your post and not said anything irrelevant. I think it's normal to have doubts about your actions at some point or other after an intense time.
From what you've written in your post I don't think you have any reason to doubt that you did the best thing for your mum. It seems a shame that the GP took so much time to make his/her decision about the DC. But I'm so pleased for you that there won't be a post-mortem.
Thank you for your kind messages. I know that she felt loved as a couple of days before she died her GP had been round and asked if she was lonely. She told me that she had replied "A chance would be a fine thing,"
I am having moments of tears and will remember her at 5 in the afternoon as that is the time I would phone her.