How to cope with 2nd bereavement and running a family

[pollypots2]

Lost both my parents within the last year , Dad a year ago to cancer and Mum 9 weeks ago having died in her sleep. Just felt as though I was getting ny second wind back when the news of Mum came and part of me just doesn't want to face it. Saw lady from Relate and great to have chance just to talk and cry for 2 hours, she was wonderful but three months waiting list to have weekly counselling. Find am getting frustrated with DH or kids and shout and then feel horrible! Have some great friends but life just moves on and you dont want to get into it at the school gate or mums and tots because you're trying to be strong at those times for your kids and DH who've already seen you go thru hard time this past year. Any one else know what I'm talking about?

[Lio]

HAve no experience similar to this, am sure others will do this better, but wanted to give you my deepest sympathy you poor poor darling.

[moondog]

Polly,that is awful.
My dh lost his parents within about three months of each other last year (today is the anniversary of his mother's death)
He was abroad both times and din't make it home in time.

He has had to deal with it all alone in a foreign country on top of a stressful job and doing an MSc.

His way is just to get on with it which i suspect isn't yours.

I'm so sorry.
Poor you.

[AtterySquash]

I'm so very sorry, PP2.

Have you been in touch with CRUSE? They're a charity that supports bereaved people and can offer counselling. I don't know much about them (pther than that I have a wonderful friend who is a counsellor for them), but their website looks useful.

xx

[christmas2NDTIMEmistletoenwine]

Poor you Pollypots2.
It must be so hard for you.

I have lost people very close to me. I found the onlyway to get through it was to talk.

I too didn't want to burden those close to me, as they too had their own grief. I also found that after 3 months friends either drifted away as I wasn't fun to be with anymore or assumed I was over it. I so wasn't.

I got my GP to refer me to a counselor. She was lovely but I didn't click with her and felf uncomfortable.

I got a second referal he was brilliant.

I walked in the room. Sat down. Poured my heart out for an hour. Sobbed my heart out. Dried my eyes and left the room as if a huge weight had been lifted.

Can you talk to DH about how you feel? He loves you and I'm sure will be only too happy to help if he can.

When my DH died the person who I unburdened most to went on to become my 2nd DH!

He was the landlord of my local. He didn't know DH 1 although we'd drunk in there regularly.

I found because he was a man and didn't get emotional or try to "there, there" me, I could just talk and talk.

Anyway, I'm wandering now.

Can you see your GP and ask for help?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Hello Pollypots2,

You have my heartfelt sympathies also. In my circumstances two family members died within six days of each other not two months ago. DH and I have muddled through our grief in our own ways and continue to do so.

I would also suggest you get in touch with CRUSE bereavement care, they are very helpful.

With best wishes

Attila

[pollypots2]

Thanks so much to all for messages . First time I've posted and so encouraging to get home and log in and read thses wonderful, heartfelt msgs.I meant to say CRUSE and said Relate!? yes I also did see my GP and need to go back to arrange possible counselling so you've spurred me on to follow thru with that. Thansk again to all

[MomOnTheRun]

I'm sorry about your parents. I lost both of my parents with 6 weeks of each other. I was 28 weeks pg at the time and they lived abroad so I couldn't even attend their funerals.

I sent my father a fax while he was in hospital cos he was quite deaf and I couldn't really talk to him on the phone. He died the day my sister read the fax to him.

There is no shame in crying or letting your emotions go. The pain does not go away, but changes to fond memories. It's been 2 years now and I am crying as I write this. I'll be okay after a little while though. Especailly when I see my children's little faces. They looked so happy while putting the decorations up tonight and this is making me smile right now.

Everytime you feel in a rut, let all the emotions out then think of something happy. To me it's because I feel guilty for not being there as they passed away so I force myself to think of them and what I would've said to them. But they would not have wanted to see me like this, so thinking of their grandchildren which they would've been very proud of balances the emotions. I'm not very good at this but I hope that you get through this.