coping

[Milkand2sugarsplease]

Hi,
My mum passed away in April 13 and I'm generally coping quite well I think.
But, then I have times where it's harder. For example - on Thursday morning I woke up from a bad dream that mum was poorly but alive (poorly with something different to the stroke she actually had). All day on Thursday I couldn't stop thinking about this dream at all. I've not spoken to anyone about it - partly cos I'm not sure who I'd speak to to be honest.

I'm also still quite cross (not an angry cross where I'm taking it out on anyone and anything). More a confused cross I guess that she's been taken from me when I still need my mum.
My dad died when I was little and I guess this adds to my frustration. I guess I wonder what kind of God takes a dad who has small children and then takes mum just as she'd got her wish of a grandchild ( DS was 3m old).
It still upsets me how it all happened and I sit wondering if she felt alone or if she knew I was there with her at the end. I sometimes can't get the image of her when I found her out of my head and panic that she was lying there feeling like we'd never find her.

I have managed to carry on with my life and have done well at uni ( for her) and been raising my son so it's not like it consumes me.
I was so young when my dad died that really I don't remember him and so wasn't really able to miss him so when mum died I think I just thought I'd handle it the same way and I just haven't. Realistically I know why I've handled it differently.

I don't even know what, if anything, I'm asking here and I know it's all a jumble. I feel like Id feel better if I had someone to talk about mum to but I've no one to do that with.

[LumelaMme]

Milk, losing your mother, if you were close to her, is really, really hard. It took me a long time to really come to terms with my DM's death - five years plus, if I'm being honest - and I still miss her sometimes, even now.

[ssd]

I'm glad you said that lumela, I was just thinking about this tonight. My mum died 3 years ago and I'm still thinking about her so much and missing her, and my dad who died 17 years ago. I felt sort of embarrassed I'm not over my mum more, but I'm just not. Knowing this isnt unusual really helps. No one I know has lost 2 parents so I cant ask anyone about it.

[BackforGood]

Very, very normal to have times when it all just overwhelms you a bit. I lost my Mum over 13 yrs ago, and - oddly enough - just this evening my eyes filled up and I had a bit of a 'moment' as I was talking to a gentleman who had recently lost his wife, and he was being very positive about how grateful he was they'd both been around to see all their Grandchildren grow up into fine young adults, unlike my parents, who my dc don't remember . It just snuck up and made me feel sad.
It's OK for this to happen.
Over the years, I find the balance of 'feeling low' and 'getting on with things and 'remembering happy / funny / lovely times' alters, and that's good, but I don't suppose you ever stop hurting just a little bit.

[ssd]

very true, backforgood.

[Milkand2sugarsplease]

Thanks for all the replies.
Most days are ok and I am absolutely fine and then something comes along and completely throws me like this dream the other day.
Special occasions are always going to be hard I guess but when I graduate next summer I think I'll really feel it as part of the reason I went back to uni was for her.