Best Friend committed suicide this week - feeling numb

(12 Posts)
DeeDee1981 Fri 30-Oct-15 13:57:57

Last week my friend left her house and was reported missing 2 days later. A week after she went missing a body was found in a wooded area and it has been confirmed as her. She was like a sister to me, so much so that she was the Best Women and witness at my wedding. She has been a very good friend for 13 1/2 years and i feel lost that, that friendship has just ended.

I have been amazed at how many people (friends and family) have sent both me and my husband their thoughts on us. I only saw her a couple of weeks ago and she seemed to be doing well (she has been diagnosed with suffering from depression) and has in the past called me when things got bad.

I'm not sure the reason of this post, other than to write down how i'm feeling. My feelings this week: Shock, lost, surreal, sadness, numb, feeling shattered, hoping she has found peace, wonder at what tipped her over the edge, great great sadness for her 2 children and why? ..... why? .... why? will we ever get the answers?????????

I'm also so aware that life goes on, finding that very hard. Work needs doing, children need feeding, the dog needs walking, the washing, the shopping has to be done. This is hard as i feel shattered. sad

OP’s posts: |
dreamiesrcatgak Fri 30-Oct-15 14:01:54

I'm so sorry for your loss. flowers

welshHairs Fri 30-Oct-15 14:57:24

I'm really sorry for your loss. I know it doesn't compare but my mum attempted suicide, as did some other family members a few years later. Once the shock had passed, my overwhelming emotion was anger that they could be so selfish. I think anger is quite a common response to suicide so don't feel guilty if you start to feel angry towards your friend at some point.

As for the rest of life, can you allow yourself some time off from it to grieve? Let a few things go for a while you process this, otherwise it'll build up inside you and that is never a good thing.

flowers

Apartridgeamongstthepidgeons Fri 30-Oct-15 18:28:47

I'm so so sorry to hear this DeeDee, It must be a terrible shock for you flowers

Thanks for posting on my thread, my dsis took her life two years ago so I know all too well the devastation and sadness suicide brings.

There will always be questions with this type of death, which doesn't help you with closure. I found in the early days talking to people on the SOBS helpline helped me, all their volunteers have been bereaved through suicide so they really do understand. uk-sobs.org.uk/

My thoughts go out to you and her family, xxxxxx

msgrinch Fri 30-Oct-15 18:35:49

I'm so sorry for your loss x

Noregretsatall Fri 30-Oct-15 18:49:58

I'm so very sorry for your loss. One of my oldest and closest friends took her own life last year too under horrific circumstances. I don't think I'll ever get over it so I can empathise with what you're going through. Take care xxx

tilliebob Fri 30-Oct-15 19:05:29

So sorry for your lost thanks

Missyaggravation Fri 30-Oct-15 19:07:46

So so sorry for your loss, my sister attempted suicide not so long ago, but thankfully told me she had taken the tablets. I also disagree with the received wisdom that suicide is selfish, lazy thinking x

Penfold007 Fri 30-Oct-15 19:16:27

DeeDee I am so sorry for your loss, I truly understand the feeling of disbelief, shock etc you describe. My cousin took his own life three weeks ago and it is a difficult thing to process flowers

Finbar Fri 30-Oct-15 23:39:26

Another recommendation here to contact SOBS. Best thing I ever did; the woman on the end of the helpline was wonderful.
It's a particularly tough type of bereavement - my best wishes go out to you.

Mermaidhair Sat 31-Oct-15 02:45:37

I'm so sorryflowers. I suffer from depression and have been very very close to ending it all before. When you get to that point your friend would not have been thinking rationally. She would have been in so much pain that this seemed like her only way out. It makes me sad when people say that suicide is selfish. The person is ill so I'll that they aren't themselves and aren't making the right decisions. It wasn't her fault. She may have thought that this was the best thi g for everyone else. You may never get your answers but if I can help answer any questions I will try to help. Her poor dc I hope they have someone wonderful to care for them now.

DeeDee1981 Wed 04-Nov-15 13:57:42

Thank you all for your kind words, they mean a lot. I am so sorry that for some of you have been in the same or similar situations. My heart goes out to you flowers.

welshHairs i'm sorry that your mum attempted suicide, i hope she is getting all the help she needs. xx

noregrets i'm very sorry about your friend, i hope she has found her peace. xx

Missyaggravation i hope your sister is doing better now and has got the help she needs. xx

Penfold i'm truly sorry for your loss, thinking of you and the rest of the family. xxx

Mermaidhair thank you for posting, i hope you are keeping well and are getting the help that is needed. My friend has in the past spoken to me when she was very very down, so i have a little insight into how she saw things. At that point she had been self harming and i felt very honoured that she chosse to share that with me. When she told me there was no judgement on her, only concern and love for her. She has previously attempted suicide but another friend saw her in time (taken an overdose). I know she was ill and i do not feel angry at her for what she did - i just feel so much sadness.

When i saw her a few weeks ago i thought she was doing well, she had changed schools for the eldest (still at primary school) and he was much happier, she had sorted out some issues with the youngest at nursery. She had been working for the last 7 months in a care home and had started to retake her GCSE's with a view to go into mental health nursing. The only gripe she had was that the tablets she was on was making her put on weight - she was very tall and a size 12!! but she said she was watching what she ate and that helped. as always when i left i told her i loved her, gave her a hug and told her to call if she needed anything. She could have called. I would have gone to her. sad

OP’s posts: |

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