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Why?

(12 Posts)
IrrationalAnthem Sun 25-Oct-15 10:38:45

I've returned to Mumsnet after a 5 year absence because I didn't know where else to take this.

6 weeks ago my beautiful, funny, fit & healthy, 18 year old nephew died. He went to sleep and didn't wake up. It remains inexplicable.

I am broken. I am putting every ounce of emotional and physical energy into holding up my beloved sister and her husband, but I don't know who's holding me. My friends are frankly bored of my grief now and want me to be over it. But I don't know how.

There are no words.

Lolimax Sun 25-Oct-15 10:43:33

I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and flowers. There will be people along with wiser words than me but life must be so tough at the moment. I'm so sorry for your loss xx

IrrationalAnthem Sun 25-Oct-15 10:48:11

Thank you

Lolimax Sun 25-Oct-15 10:50:26

I bet you're knackered aren't you? Physically and mentally? Have you got you're own children?

IrrationalAnthem Sun 25-Oct-15 11:55:06

Yes 3, they miss their cousin dreadfully and are, understandably, horrified by their newfound knowledge that sometimes healthy young people die in their sleep.

It's made for some very difficult bedtimes. We're all exhausted. You're so kind - thank you.

tilliebob Mon 26-Oct-15 17:02:43

thanks how awful - you all must be in the most horrific shock. It just doesn't bear thinking about and yet you have to live it and deal with it. Be gentle on yourself - you will all be reeling for a long time to come. I hate when people think you should "get over it" in a matter of weeks. I'm learning grief is a long haul business and there are no shortcuts.

Thinking of you all thanks

IrrationalAnthem Tue 27-Oct-15 06:58:06

Thank you - it was the most horrific shock indeed. In fact I think we've all barely started grieving, we've been in some kind of stupefied denial for weeks. I hoped that the funeral might bring acceptance but the day took on weird dreamlike qualities.

Fraggled Tue 27-Oct-15 07:01:52

I'm so sorry to hear about this. Grief is definitely for the long haul, be kind to yourself flowers

OffMyAyersRocker Tue 27-Oct-15 07:04:45

This happened to a friend of a friend at the same age and l think the absolute of why, how could this happen makes it hard to grieve as you are also looking for answers that won't come.

6 weeks is not very long. I think your friends are being very harsh if they expect you to be over it in that short time.

I've no wise words but sorry to hear of your loss flowers

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 01-Nov-15 23:02:42

Oh my Goodness Irrational. I am so so sorry. That's the key word isn't it Why. Like the word if one of the shortest yet poignant words in the whole of the English dictionary. Why has an fit and healthy 18 year old boy been taken with out warning. Why is life so uttereley cruel. God most certainly breaks hearts to prove he only takes the best.
Your friends are bored of your greif. angry. How dare they. How very dare tgey. Say you should be over this by now. How dare tgey put a time limit on your greif and heart ache. You'll never be over this op. Never ever. Who would be. Your precious nephew goes to bed and doesn't wake up. How do you come to terms with that. How will it ever make any sense. It wont. If it were my child or my nephew. My life would just be finished.
Friends !!! They're not friends.... Friends don't get bored of supporting you. I'd ditch them you dont very very so called freindsat a time like this. We'll be your friends. We won't dictate when you should be over things.
Sending you a massive unmumsnetty hug ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) and plenty of love support and sympathy and I speak for everyone when I say. We're hear for as long as you need us. X

giraffesarefab Mon 02-Nov-15 18:50:37

So sorry for your loss, sending you a big, very gentle hug x

BastardGoDarkly Mon 02-Nov-15 18:56:12

Oh lovely, I'm so sorry for the loss of your nephew.

It's tragic when young people die, but in such circumstances I can understand your sheer bafflement.

Take care of yourself and your family x

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