To mention deceased daughter

(9 Posts)
Mommagonnaknockyouout Fri 09-Oct-15 17:29:22

I've worked in my current job for a few months new. They knew how many children I have but today things went a little more in to detail. Sadly a child of mine died when she was really young. I struggle with this a lot. So when I mentioned her it went quiet but they wos lovely and we carried on conversation about my existing children. I don't no if I did the right thing in mentioning my daughter

juneau Fri 09-Oct-15 17:31:59

Of course you did. Just because she's no longer with you, she's still your DC and part of your life and who you are. flowers

Exadmissions Fri 09-Oct-15 17:36:04

My DD died and I know exactly how you feel, you dont want to deny them but its a hard thing to talk about. There is nothing harder.

You certainly didn't do anything wrong.

I recently put some plants on my daughters grave and fretted about if I should say anything when people asked me what I did while away. I tend to mention her and then talk about something connected but not specifically her. So I said how I had planted them on her grave but then talked about the specific plants.

Love to you and any bereaved parent who reads this.

Mommagonnaknockyouout Fri 09-Oct-15 17:48:14

Thank you both ?? I don't want my work to feel uncomfortable. I need th to acknowledge that some days I do have down days whilst others I'm ok. I'm not after pity or sympathy . Would just like to mention her some times

WeAllHaveWings Fri 09-Oct-15 17:53:40

I tend to be naturally nosey inquisitive and when I was talking to one of ds's friends mums about our kids being onlies she mentioned she had another dc who died. As we were chatting one to one I felt comfortable asking her about her dc as I could judge if/when to stop, but I do find this harder in a group conversation.

It sounds weird, but I always feel strangely privileged when someone shares stories of someone close they've lost.

imip Fri 09-Oct-15 17:56:13

I lost my eldest dd and sometimes when I mention her, I wonder if I should of. The other week at school mum drinks I was chatting to someone I don't know very well. I have 4 dds and she was mentioning how hard it would be to name them. So I mentioned that I've actually had 5 dds, and yes, names were tricky. I was a bit drunk, should I have mentioned it?

But I think it's all part of our story and we should mention this when relevant. Especially if you were to have a friendship with this work colleague, it's part of your life and I think it is appropriate that you mention her.

I get it though. I really don't want people's pity, but it's part of my story and I don't like 'hiding' part of my life if it is relevant iyswim.

Mommagonnaknockyouout Fri 09-Oct-15 17:59:02

I understand. I'm typically a person who wears her heart on sleeve and is very open but this time being with new people the last 5 months kept a lid on it. They are a lovely bunch

CRtester Mon 12-Oct-15 16:58:12

Of course you should mention her. In a way it might be worse if you didn't mention her...might somehow be harder after you've known them a long time.

You're very considerate to be concerned about their feelings, they'll only be uncomfortable for a few minutes, you'll always be a bereaved mum, so your feelings matter more here anyway imo. If you want to talk about her, you should be able to. flowers

3littlebadgers Mon 12-Oct-15 18:43:58

I think it is lovely that you mentioned her. She will always be important to you. She is as much as part of you as your breath. I guess sometimes we share and others we don't, what surprises me is I often share when I never expected I would. At Dd1s horse riding on Saturday on of the mum's asked me if I was pregnant, when I said I was she made a comment about how I will have my hands full with four. I just smiled and shared with her that actually it should have been five but I lost my dd2. She was lovely about it. Some people are perfect to share with. Your colleagues will feel honoured that you chose them to know flowers

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