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Had an argument with my late father in dream(2 Posts)
I don't really know where to start this... last night I dreamt I was in an argument with my dad, who died of liver cancer two years ago.
He found out he had the disease at the end of April, didn't tell anyone except my mum that he was ill. My sisters and I didn't find find out how ill he was until the end of the June. He died in the middle of the August. It all happened very quickly.
I know and understand his reasons for not telling us. I got married in the September (which had been planned for at least a year) and my sister was due to have a baby in the October. I know dad thought he could tell us after these events. I know he thought he was protecting us from hurt. I've had counselling around this and thought I'd come to terms with it.
But last night, in my dream, I was so angry with him. Proper bitter nastiness. It was horrible. I was angry that he didn't tell me when he first found out - angry that he didn't allow us any time really to prepare for it (though rational me knows he did what he thought best and kindest - I do know this!)
I'm 37 weeks pregnant and I know pregnancy brings on vivid dreams, but this was something else... I feel like I'm disrespecting his memory by having this dream. Like my subconscious mind doesn't love him or something. Am I a terrible daughter?
I love my dad so much. If my baby's a boy (and I think it is) I'm naming it after him.
You aren't a terrible daughter. I lost my dh last year, and I sometimes have horrible dreams. There are all different views on what dreams are. But they aren't reality, although upsetting