I had a stillborn is it natural to want another?

(15 Posts)
lee2015 Sun 26-Jul-15 10:09:27

My daughter was born asleep on the 15th June 2015. It's only been a few weeks since this horrible ordeal. I have one son who is 5 years old , I really would love to him to have another sibling to grow up with , I don't know if this is a natural way to feel so soon after what's happened. I won't forget my precious daughter she will always be apart of me and my partner lives. I know ideally I should wait a year physically and emotionally to repair. I can't help but have the need to have another baby. I just need some help and advice I know every women paths are different but it be great to hear if u was in the same situation as myself ?

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ASAS Sun 26-Jul-15 10:14:43

I'm so sorry.

This isn't my personal experience, but I do know someone who didn't "wait" a year for want of a better word.

lee2015 Sun 26-Jul-15 10:18:14

Thank u asas

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WoodViolets Sun 26-Jul-15 21:21:15

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl.

I had come across this web site you may like (my 6-year-old son passed away 6 months ago) during my own searching ... www.stillbornandstillbreathing.com/

I think your feelings are normal -- I have a friend who tried for a child when she felt ready. Everyone processes their grief differently.

Best wishes.

Mermaidhair Mon 27-Jul-15 05:10:23

I think anything you are feeling would be considered normal. I'm so sorry for your loss. When I lost a baby during pregnancy we were told to wait a year. I am sure many don't. Maybe give yourself a little time to feel the pain for a while. I think talking to people in similar situations would help. Only you and your dh will know when the time is right. It must be so hard, and only natural that you want to try again. I don't know any of the details but make sure your Dr is happy for you to become pregnant again.(in case it was something medically)

NearlySchoolTime Mon 27-Jul-15 05:28:19

Lee - our son was stillborn in December 2012, and we started trying again three months later. I now have a daughter, and she is in no way a replacement for her older brother, but a family member in her own right, if that makes sense. As Mermaidhair says, we waited until we had as much information as possible about what happened before trying again. I found my pregnancy with my daughter brought up lots of feelings about my loss, in particular the birth.

You may find the Glow In The Woods website helpful - I did after my son was born.

I'm so sorry for all of you on the thread who have lost a baby or child.

ChatEnOeuf Wed 29-Jul-15 19:43:31

Totally normal. I feel exactly the same.

My son was stillborn in May, we had our consultant appt a couple of weeks ago and were given the green light to start trying again.

I think there are two ways towards another pregnancy - to heal emotionally (and physically) and then to try again, or to use the process of TTC and pregnancy as a method of healing. I know which group I am in.

So sorry for your loss.

imip Wed 29-Jul-15 20:00:55

I'm so sorry op flowers

My eldest dd was still born almost 10 years ago. She was conceived after infertility, and we were told to expect that it maybe an equally long time to fall pregnant again. So, we ttc on my first period, 4 weeks after she was born. Despite losing our daughter, we couldn't deny the fact that we wanted a living breathing child. I fell pregnant straight away, it was a difficult pregnancy but never every was my next baby a replacement for losing my first. It's just natural, you wanted a baby, and you want life to be happy again.

I went on to have 4 dcs quite quickly (all 5 dcs were born in just over 6 years). I still find it very sad to have lost my eldest dd, but my surviving children know all about her, and have absolute star in making her part of our family. When I talk to a stranger and mention I have 4 kids, they will immediately correct me and say no, mum has five children! Falling pregnant again does not in any way diminish your beautiful daughter.

Have you tried contacting sands? You might find it helpful to talk to women in a similar position to you? flowers

Fridgedooropen Wed 29-Jul-15 20:06:07

Whatever you feel is fine. Your feelings are your feelings and they are perfectly valid - people make different choices that are right for them. So sorry about your little girl. flowers

Oly4 Fri 31-Jul-15 22:47:26

I imagine that I would be absolutely desperate for another child. Your feelings sound so normal to me x

QOD Fri 31-Jul-15 23:16:53

My sil had a stillborn dd at 40 weeks exactly and her son was born 11 months later.
he didn't replace, but he helped repair

lee2015 Sun 02-Aug-15 10:18:47

Everybody thanks so much for your advice and sharing your stories with me. I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. I appreciate it with all of my heart. God bless u all x

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KittyandTeal Sun 02-Aug-15 10:36:16

I'm so sorry you lost your baby.

I think it is totally normal to want another baby. After my tfmr I desperately wanted to be pregnant again, I know part of it was my body and hormones that were totally confused, one day I was 22 weeks pregnant, the next day I wasn't and there was no baby.

I waited until after her due date to start ttc again (the time is totally individual). By then I was feeling much stronger emotionally. I am still having specialist counselling.

I have to say, I am now on cycle 3 of ttc and I am finding it emotionally much harder than I thought I would, it's not just the disappointment each month when af turns up but it's the fear of what happens when I am pregnant, what it will be like trying to parent a toddler and a baby when I'm still grieving.

The one thing I've learnt so far is to allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel.

Flambola Mon 03-Aug-15 04:24:57

I am so sorry for your loss, Lee.

My son was born sleeping in December and I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant so, in my case, I desperately wanted to be pregnant again.

lee2015 Fri 14-Aug-15 06:05:10

Thanking you both. Each day for me is a challenge. What's happened to me has taken apart of me but I won't allow it to take the whole of me. Hopefully one day I will get and have a beautiful baby to join my son. Xx

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