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My mother in law died recently after a very short illness.

(10 Posts)
chocoholic05 Mon 13-Jul-15 10:20:21

It happened just over a fortnight ago. My dh was very close to his mum. On the outside he is carrying on as normal. He tells everyone he is fine and he seems fine. However at home he is not sleeping. In the evenings he sits on the settee stating into space in silence not speaking at all. When ask him if he's ok he says he's fine. At weekends or when our boys are around he snaps at them and gets very angry easily. I want to help him with his grief but I don't know how. He says he's ok. He even said everyone's got to die at some point! He is not fine to me! Not that I'd expect him to be but he seems to expect himself to be. Has anyone got any advice?

TheMoa Mon 13-Jul-15 10:28:32

He is in shock.

He can't comprehend a life without his mother in it.

Are your children old enough to grieve? Often, having people around who feel the loss as deeply as you do, helps.

There will be at least a year of 'fists' from now on, first birthday/Christmas/holiday/anniversary/religious festivals...

And random other stuff. If there is anyone who feels her loss as deeply as your DH, I'd consider contacting them.

chocoholic05 Mon 13-Jul-15 10:33:09

Yes my boys are 9 and 7. They have been very upset especially my nine year old. My father in law is devastated. They were married for 48 years. They were utterly devoted to each other. His sister lives a couple of hundred miles away.

chocoholic05 Mon 13-Jul-15 10:33:39

His dad just lives five minutes up the road

chocoholic05 Mon 13-Jul-15 12:07:40

Thanks for the advice

chocoholic05 Mon 13-Jul-15 17:16:52

Bump

chocoholic05 Mon 13-Jul-15 18:35:56

sad

PeriPathetic Mon 13-Jul-15 18:47:59

Sorry you're going through this. There are no rules to grieving, I think all you can do is be gentle, compassionate and let it take its course.

JemimaHighway Thu 13-Aug-15 21:58:41

My DH has just lost his father. His is reacting the same way OP. Anyone with advice?

LuckyBitches Fri 14-Aug-15 13:39:16

To me the silence suggests that he's processing things - getting his head around what's happened. That would also tie in with the snapping IMO - it's a reaction to having his thinking disturbed. All you can do is let him sit in silence, I think. Everyone deals with grief differently, but I can see how his way of handling it might be difficult to live with. Maybe let him know when you're available if and when he wants to talk, and leave it at that? flowers

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