Reading

[tempest501]

I lost my Grandfather this week and I really want to read something as when I lost my Nanna I really regret not doing anything but I am an emotional wreck.

My grandparent were my role models and they brought me up so well.

I just dont know what to do as not even sure I can go through with it without breaking down but I need to try at least as I feel like I have no one left to look up to now.

Sorry if I am rambling a bit, just upset.

[FadedRed]

So sorry for your loss Tempest
You say your Grandparents brought you up, so are you responsible for arranging the funeral? If not, then you need to speak with whoever is doing this to let them know you wish to do the reading.
Are you thinking of a religious reading, or poem or a eulogy? The funeral director and funeral celebrant will be able to suggest appropriate readings and help you write a eulogy, if that is what you want to do. There are also many websites that will have suitable poems etc, though you will find they make you cry (which isn't always a bad thing IMO).
When you have chosen what you want to say, then practice it, in front of a mirror is useful, and out loud. Don't worry that you might get upset speaking, it would be quite normal to do that. If you find that you change your mind at the funeral or cannot continue the celebrant will take over on your behalf. Don't even begin to guilt trip if you change your mind about doing a reading, it's a very brave thing to do for someone so close.
Even writing a short eulogy, or choosing a reading or poem that means something special to you and asking someone else to read it would be fine.
Be gentle on yourself.

[tempest501]

My family are arranging it and I have not spoke to them yet dues to still too raw.I feel so trapped in my grief. I usually hid my feeling away and people think i just cope but truth be told after over a decade i still have not come to terms with my Nannas death let alone begin to deal with this one. People say time heal but for me time just means i get better at hiding it.

I just really feel if I could say something it may help me out of my despair. I really struggle to talk about my feeling and as a result never really got to say goodbye properly as I just cant seem to do it.

My grandad was not really very religious but if the verse had meaning it would be ok just want to say something special even tho i know its a bit late now. I dont think i could do the eulogy as too painful talking about stuff but hopefully can manage a reading of some sort.

[FadedRed]

Losing your Grandfather means that you probably feel have also lost the special 'link' with your Nanna, which you and your Grandfather would have shared. I mean because he was here then some of your Nanna was still around him, if that makes any sense to you?
I know people say things like 'time heals', but I think that really means that time passes and you get more used to it. Your Grandparents would want you to be sad at their passing but not to grieve so much it stopped you living your own life for sorrow, I'm sure.
It's very early days, but living your life to the full to make them 'proud' of the good job they did bringing you up would surely be what they wanted for you?
Bereavement counselling could be a real help to you, as it would allow you to explore your feelings in a safe and extremely private and confidential manner. The funeral directors or your GP should be able to signpost you to the right place to get that help.
nhs choices, cruse and marie curie have websites that can be helpful as a start. If you feel the need to talk to an sympathetic person and weep down the phone if you need to, then Samaritans will listen any time of the night or day.

[Rowgtfc72]

I had " do not stand at my grave and weep" for my dads funeral. It's reminds me even though I can't see him he's still there. I would have loved to have read it myself but couldn't so the celebrant said it and I mouthed the words from my seat.

[tempest501]

I am am having trouble finding something i connect with. Would it be inappropriate at a funeral to do a sort of letter from me to my Grandad as a sort of goodbye?

Really struggling with this and it is next Friday, its jut everytime i sit down to write i breakdown. I feel so pathetic at the moment. My Grandad taught me to be strong and I thought I was but am failing badly right now.

[FadedRed]

A letter sounds a lovely idea, either to your Grandad or to both of them.