when you fall to the bottom it is so dark, so dark you cannot see a thing
like being at the bottom of a deep deep well
when you managed to claw your way up a bit, and struggle on, carry on, sometimes you can see the light above, your not in the light but you can see it in the distance
after a lot of time, and a lot of trying you can actually climb out of the hole, but your never far from the hole, your always standing beside it, waiting to fall in at any moment, all it takes is an insensitive comment or a sharp reminder and within an instant, you are right at the very bottom of the deep dark hole.
and so much energy goes into purely exisiting, so much energy and strength it takes to get through the days
even on good days my heart aches and is deeply deeply sad
and yet I will continue to strive to make my life and the life of your sister and brother and father the best and happiest and best I can make it
just know dearest beautiful son, I love you, I miss you, I think of you every single day, I spend as much head space on you as I do your brother and sister, which is as you know, alot because you children are my world, everyday I wish you were here with us, all of us together, enjoying simple things like watching a film, having a cuddle, reading you a story, seeing your face, so perfect
and all the great times I wanted to share with you like taking you sledging, taking you on holiday, swimming with you, playing with you, birthdays and Christmas's
just want you to know how very much I love you and miss you
I will miss you forever
love mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Bereavement
my grief is like a deep dark black hole
28 replies
kandykat · 08/07/2015 23:31
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