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I am reliving my dh death in my dreams every night. Is it normal?

(9 Posts)
Mermaidhair Wed 08-Jul-15 02:42:55

I lost my gorgeous dh early last year. For the last 6 months I dream nightly about him dying. I feel the same pain, and when I wake up my face is always covered in tears. It's like in these dreams I don't know that he is already dead. Sometimes I have visiting dreams where I know he is no longer with me. Does anyone else experience this? Is it normal? I really miss him, and it's awful reliving it all of the time.

EvaBeaver Wed 08-Jul-15 03:17:21

Oh Mermaidhair, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Reliving it is hideous, isn't it sad

For me, I was there at the end and it is those final moments that haunt my dreams. All of 2 hours sleep tonight, before waking bathed in cold sweat & tears.

I just hope in time that peace might come sad flowers

Strokethefurrywall Wed 08-Jul-15 03:23:26

I'm so sorry. I don't want to leave your post unanswered. And I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband, I can't imagine your pain.

It's not the same thing but I lost my younger brother to cancer 3 years ago. For the longest time my brain wouldn't allow me to remember his last moments no matter how hard I tried. I realised it was my brains way of processing it all. Only so slowly was I able to start remembering it and could start to deal with it.
But my dreams were of him when he was alive. I could smell his smell that I've known my entire life, hear his laugh, watch the roll of his eyes, remember his fingers as he played his guitar, listen to his voice. And then I would wake up and remember. And the pain was so immense I could barely breathe. It was torturous and I understand that feeling of being lost in grief, like being in a churning sea with no sign of land.
What I came to realise was that grief is all encompassing - our brains have to heal as well and all I kept thinking was that each time I had a dream of him and felt lost and cried so hard I didn't think I would stop, it was a tiny sliver of grief i could let go of.
I don't know if it's true but it's how I felt, and I allowed myself those feelings no matter how awful they were.
Your grief is so new and it's awful not having an end in sight. It will never end but eventually we heal enough that we can live with it. It's always there but it isn't able to continue to destroy us.
Please keep talking if you need. There's always someone here listening thanks

Strokethefurrywall Wed 08-Jul-15 03:26:40

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss too EvaBeaver
Thinking of you both and wishing you some peace. I found rescue remedy helped for those times where I felt my grief was uncontrollable.
Please be gentle with yourselves and let other people take care of you too xxx

Canyouforgiveher Wed 08-Jul-15 03:37:09

So sorry for your awful loss, Mermaid.

I know my mother had many very vivid dreams after my dad died (and not all immediately after he died) and woke up crying. I think it is part of grieving in some ways. Her last dream (well she thought it was him coming back but I am pretty sure it was a dream) was him coming into her bedroom and her saying "but you're dead you need to go back love". I think that one was part of letting go. It was a while after he died.

awfully upsetting for you but maybe part of the awful business of losing a much loved person. After my FIL, my dad and my mum died I had very vivid dreams about them which were almost trying to explain why they died.

I sometimes think that the main purpose of literature is to try to explain death. It is so awful to think this wonderful human being who was so loved is just not there any more. My best wishes to you OP.

EvaBeaver Wed 08-Jul-15 03:39:18

Thank you Stroke, and I'm so sorry you lost your brother flowers

Mermaidhair Wed 08-Jul-15 03:53:56

flowersim very sorry for your losses. Thank you for taking the time to respond, and for your condolences. I didn't know if I was loosing my mind. I think you are right, my brain is trying to process it all.

Tryingtokeepalidonit Thu 09-Jul-15 20:26:45

I am so sorry for your loss. I am 4 years 6 months into this horrible journey and can say it does get better. For me my DH left for work and 4 hours later one of his partners and the police turned up to tell me he had died suddenly. For a long time I dreamt about being in a fog or storm or at night trying to find him and waking up crying but over the past year I have had kinder dreams. A few months ago I fell asleep on the sofa and felt him tuck the throw around me so I wasn't cold. A week I dreamt that he was stroking my little finger as he used to when we held hands. I cried when I woke up because it wasn't true. All you can do is be kind to yourself.

My condolences o every one who has lost someone close.

mumslife Fri 17-Jul-15 19:23:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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