Dad's birthday

(5 Posts)
PenguinQueen Wed 24-Jun-15 17:44:48

Not really sure why I am posting this. I guess I just wanted to talk about how I feel. Is my lovely dad's birthday today, he passed away last September (on my ds 2nd birthday) after a long 15 years of being ill. I have found it so difficult to deal with. Finally getting myself together over the last few months and today I feel like no time has passed at all. I feel I have nobody to talk to, dp tries but gets frustrated with me and my family aren't the kind of people who talk openly about things like this. Please tell me it gets easier to deal with, I feel like I'm drowning.

cdwales Thu 25-Jun-15 10:48:48

Sad to read this PQ; grieving is a tough road and a long one. As a society we are not used to handling grief and you are not alone! the first step is to recognise it - and your message shows that you have done this. The next is to simply accept that this road is inevitable and normal but it will ease in time and be a strand in your life not a slash through your existence... Take a look at these which I have found helpful:
www.bps.org.uk/psychology-public/information-public/coping-if-you-have-been-recently-or-suddenly-bereaved/coping-if

www.netmums.com/parenting-support/miscarriage-and-loss/loss-and-bereavement

this is a bit different:
www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/bereavement.asp

CRUSE is the charity and I have had positive experience with them in the past: www.cruse.org.uk/

With my mother's sudden death five years ago I find it helpful to imagine her with me now and what she would be saying to me - I know just what that would be you see!

All the best.

PenguinQueen Fri 26-Jun-15 19:12:24

Thank you for your reply. Will have a look through the links you've given.

spaghettajames Sat 27-Jun-15 07:14:35

Would you like to tell us a bit about your dad and what he was like?

WeAllHaveWings Sun 28-Jun-15 20:33:31

PQ I could have written your post, so many similarities.

It was also my Dad's birthday on Wednesday 24th June, he died last July on my wedding anniversary. Its been a tough week, with Fathers day and his birthday. There were a couple of hours of sunshine today and I spent it fixing his fathers day/birthday flowers, sitting on a bench where his ashes are interred and talking to him, mostly about ds(11) who he adored and it breaks my heart he wont see growing into a man.

I'm not a great talker about feelings, but I'm lucky those around me at home and at work give me space when I'm having a "moment". We are also happy to talk about Dad and do most days, just little things and that helps me "normalise" the world without him and get used to talking about him without tears.

My way of dealing with it is to accept its going to take time for it to be less raw and less than a year is no time at all. I remember a friend who lost her dp saying her bereavement counsellor told her it would take at least 2 years for things to even start to get better/normal again, so I'm giving myself those 2 years and not pressurising myself.

Hope you find your way.

<goes off to find more tissues>

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