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Help me help DH when I am going through bereavement counselling myself.

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GinBunny Wed 24-Jun-15 00:27:26

DFIL is in hospital again, it's fairly regular these days, every couple of months or so. But he is becoming more frail and there's only so many times they can put him right. DFIL has put plans in place for his funeral, and DH has gone from "yeah ok" to talking about what needs to be done. We all know that it will probably happen in the not too distant future.

I am currently having bereavement counselling and am coming to terms with losing my own parents (although not so recent, I locked it away and it's come up again due to another close family bereavement earlier this year which triggered a whole melting pot). Sorry to sound selfish, but I've been getting excellent help and have been starting to heal - and this has knocked me sideways. This time it is not my own bereavement (well, it is too because I'm so fond of DFIL) but not only am I going to have to deal with my own grief but more importantly I have to support DH.

He's opened up tonight for the first time and he is so damned angry about so many things and I have tried to say the right thing and tell him I will be there and do what I can given that I have been there, but I am so scared about what happens when DFIL eventually does go. DH has been my rock, an absolute solid presence for me to lean on - and now he is going to need to lean on me and I don't know what to do to give that support back. His DM died before we met and I know he has locked that into a box and thinks he has to be strong - but all I can see is that means anger and disassociation, which are traits that I haven't seen in him before.

At the moment I'm going through a ridiculous charade of being jolly to buoy him up which is totally at odds with the introspective person I've been through my counselling, and can't be sustained. Where do I go from here please, has anyone any advice for me?

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