Too many people dying and now another one

[tiredofbadwifi]

My best friend is going to die very soon, and I'm beginning to lose it now. I've already buried one close friend this year right before my exams started, and last year I buried 2-3 more. Over the last 8 years I've lost more than a dozen family members, and I've lost as many, if not more, friends. The youngest was 9 years old. Now I'm facing losing another one, but I don't know what to do. He's the last person alive who was there for me when I was badly depressed, and if he dies I will have no one. My relationship with my parents is not the best, and I've had some very bad experiences with "professionals". My last exam was today and I didn't sleep last night, I have a horrible feeling tonight is going to be another long one. And I'm babysitting on Friday so I need sleep, and stuff with my boyfriend isn't going well. I just feel so alone, and if I lose my friend now I don't know what I'll do. This terrifies me because there's always been one other person I could count on when people died, and sadly it was him. I'm sorry, I know this sounds pathetic. I just feel lost. What does one do when all seems lost?

[CQ]

Oh love, you are having such a rough time. I think you just keep plodding on, one foot in front of the other, through the dark times. Enjoy every last possible minute with your friend, tell him everything you want him to know you love about him, have no regrets.

One day you will look up and the sun will be shining again.

It is harder for the ones left behind. So sorry for all your losses.

[tiredofbadwifi]

Thankyou x Really, I'm grateful

[QOD]

Oh how sad. You sound young too? So much loss

[MrsNippyCat]

What a lot to deal with. I'm sorry you've had to go through so much loss.

I agree with CQ, tell your friend everything you want to say to him and make the most of every minute.

[tiredofbadwifi]

I'm 15, so yes a bit young. Thankyou, I will hopefully see him on Sunday at which point I will. I'm just getting scared now, because although there is no doubt he will die soon it's being dragged on now. He's been on the brink since April, and it's so undignified for him and painful for everyone. I'm terrified it's going to happen how it did with my Gran. She was told she would die that year, and she got used to this (my friend has got to this point so far) so she calmed down and honestly, she was more full of life then than I had ever seen her. Then she died suddenly, over the course of one night just as we thought she'd be with us for Christmas (3 months after). I didn't see my friend last week and I'm so, so scared I'll go in this weekend or any other really and have it thrust upon me that it's happened. Sorry for long post, I really appreciate the support

[FelineLou]

If you could see it from Gran's view: sudden death is kinder, a long drawn out illness is horrible for the person. It is cruel for those left behind though. I am sorry so many people in your life are moving on. Hold on to what they would want you to do and be. Make your future one they would want you to have.

[MrsNippyCat]

Oh you are so young to have so much happen. I'm sorry.

As Feline said, a quick passing is much kinder for the person although it is harder on those left behind. I understand your feelings about knowing it will happen soon but being scared of when it does. When my gran was ill, my heart skipped every single time my mum called me. Every time. It's a horrible dread.

I hope you enjoy your time with your friend in Sunday - say all you need to say but don't make it all about the deep stuff, try to laugh too and make a nice lasting memory.

[PuddingandPie1]

Death is so horribly final isn't it. I lost my twin when I was younger than you are now but I still think about Stephen most weeks. That was 50+ years ago. I think dying is worse for those left behind - others here seem to agree with me.

[tiredofbadwifi]

Thankyou, I completely agree about it being worse for us behind. It's so strange thinking about him now because honestly it feels like he's already gone. That's a terrible thing to say but he's so different now, like his years have caught up to him with a crushing lack of patience. I'm so sorry about your twin Pudding, that must have been truly awful. As an only child I can't possibly imagine what that must have been like.
And Feline I totally agree. Things keep changing with him now, he's hanging on and still trying to go out but it's getting harder and now even he doesn't know what's going on.
Plus it's causing tensions with my parents. We are not an open family, even with eachother and they don't really know any of my adult friends because I meet them in church and my parents are atheists. They don't mind that I'm friends with a lot of adults (it's always been that way) but it makes it hard if someone's ill or dying because I can't go to my parents for support if I'm upset. They just don't want to know.