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Lost my mum - 7 months pregnant. How do I keep my mum a part of our lives?

(8 Posts)
alovelycuppatea Wed 17-Jun-15 08:24:23

I lost my wonderful mum on Saturday quite unexpectedly. Although she had been poorly for a while, the end came without warning and she passed without me having the opportunity to say goodbye. I am 7 months pregnant and am devastated my DD will never get to meet her amazing grandma. The last message my mum sent me said she loved the bump and couldn't wait to meet her. Does anyone have any advice on how I can make my mum part of my DDs life? I want her to know all about her and love her as much as I do, but I don't know how to do that without terrifying her or being morbid. How have others managed this? I know it is years until she could ever understand properly but it is so important to me. Thank you.

PenguinPoser Wed 17-Jun-15 08:30:50

So sorry to hear about your lovely mum flowers what an awful thing to happen.

I lost my sister a couple of years ago - and similarly am sad that my dd (13 weeks) will never know her lovely auntie. I have lots of photos in the house of my sister and often show dd and chat to her about her auntie who is in heaven. As she gets older I hope the pictures and chat are just a normal part of dd's life. It doesn't feel morbid or scary at the moment.

Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well and again so sorry for your loss.

LetThereBeCupcakes Wed 17-Jun-15 08:44:05

So sorry for your loss flowers

When you feel ready, I would put together a photo album and make sure to write things down to go with the pictures - your memories of your mum, what she liked, things she did. Little nuances that made her who she was. You could go for a full-blown scrapbook / life book or just a simple photo album with space for you to write.

ticketiboo Wed 17-Jun-15 13:44:34

So sorry to read this. My mum died a few weeks before my daughter was born. She was ill before this and we knew it was the end, so I was lucky I suppose in one way as I was able to tell my mum I was having a girl, and what her name would be.
As for now, I just keep lots of photos around and talk about her as a part of our lives. It strikes me as odd, at times, and it saddens me, when DD (nearly 4) talks about Granny very normally. It's heartbreaking, but preferable to the alternative. I'd just go with photos and stories. I wrote my daughter a letter before she was born, telling her all about her granny, while my memories of her were freshest.
I hope you are okay, and wish you all the best for the birth.... Oh, on a practical level, my DH asked the hospital if we could have a private room, as he knew that it was upset me seeing all the other grandmothers visiting the new babies. Something to consider - I was an emotional wreck at the birth, and it helped that the midwives knew why. They were utterly lovely.

saturnvista Wed 17-Jun-15 13:55:04

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers. I also lost my mum relatively suddenly at the age of 69 and our baby arrives next week. I'm keeping a blog for my children to read when they're older and my mother (and her excitement about the baby) is mentioned quite often - so that will be a connection down the line. I also sing my DD the songs that my mother used to sing me and explain the significance.

alovelycuppatea Thu 18-Jun-15 07:32:51

Thanks all for your responses and flowers to those who have lost their loved ones too. Still doesn't seem real.

frostyfingers Thu 18-Jun-15 14:33:50

I'm so sorry, that must be very hard. Perhaps you could give your daughter one of your mum's names? Lots of photos about the house and talking about her as much as you can as your daughter grows up. If your mum had something she treasured - an ornament, piece of jewellery, scarf or something you could hold that and and give it to your daughter.

scarednoob Wed 24-Jun-15 15:50:39

massive sympathy on the loss of your lovely mum, and so cruel that she missed your baby. I lost my mum 10 years ago to a sudden unexpected brain haemorrhage, and whilst it does get easier, there are still plenty of times when it feels more like 10 minutes ago. the shock and the suddenness are hard to take on board. I think you just have to tell yourself when the grief is bad that it is a direct reflection of how much you loved one another, which puts a more positive slant on it.

my brother's children have just grown up knowing about my mum from photographs and family stories. the girls love playing with her jewellery box and the boy is smug that he got 6 months with her before she died, not that he remembers it! I think you will find that so long as you can keep talking about her, your DD will just think it perfectly natural and normal to do that without actually having met her.

I am pg with DC1 and it plays on my mind a lot when I see how much my friends depend on their mums. when I think of what my mum and yours will miss, life is very cruel. like yours, my mum was desperate to be a grandma and would have given anything to meet my bump. but another thought that helps me when that makes me sad - I'd rather have had 27 years with my mum than 127 with anyone else. and I am sure you feel the same. big hugs.

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