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Missing my DH so very much, my Dds are having a milestone birthday, it's so hard

(23 Posts)
FrankTurnersGuitar Sun 07-Jun-15 00:28:21

My twin daughters will be 21 tomorrow, their dad died of cancer two days after their 14th birthday. They have Autism and don't understand a lot of it.
I feel bad that they only have me, no contact with inlaws due to their abuse of me abuse at the funeral and recent disclosures of abuse by them from 2008 on my three children,

my children witnessed a lot of violence from FIL to Mil and to themselves.
The police were informed and I'm worried they may turn up here to cause trouble, I have 999 on speed dial.
Anything else I can do?
Seven years on and they are still giving us grief.
I feel sad the kids now have no extended family to love and support them.

BiscuitMillionaire Sun 07-Jun-15 00:32:57

That sounds like such a lot for you to cope with. Especially the anniversary of his death being so close to their birthday.

Why would your inlaws turn up? I suppose if they do cause any more trouble you could apply for an injunction against them. But I hope it passes without any more grief for your family.

starfish12 Sun 07-Jun-15 12:24:39

Goodness, I don't have any advice but didn't want to read and run.
How incredibly hard for you - please don't feel bad they 'only' have you, from what you have described of their wider family you don't want them to witness abusive behaviour. Do you have other people who can support you? Friends? Your side of the family?
Sending you flowers and strength to get you through x

FrankTurnersGuitar Sun 07-Jun-15 15:34:05

Thank you both of you your really kind.
I don't have any family so it is really just me and DS who also has ASD.
I'm in poor health which worries the children I feel sad for them.

Weebirdie Sun 07-Jun-15 18:56:10

I dont quite know what to say so if I start by telling you Im the lone parent of a young man who's 24 and severely autistic would it help you in any way at all.

I do have older children though so Im not alone in the world as you are but I do still have a lot of worries and I'd like to keep you company if you feel like a bit of a blether about anything.

FrankTurnersGuitar Sun 07-Jun-15 23:09:18

Thank you. I hope you don't mind Birdie I've sent you a PM.
Well the day has almost finished and no contact from MIL, the police were on standby, they are very good and have been to see us and reassure the children.
She generally kicks off around kids birthdays and the anniversary, so we will relax once Tuesday is over.

GaryBaldy Sun 07-Jun-15 23:17:55

Big hugs OJ, hope the girls have had a wonderful birthday, thoughts with you for the anniversary. Anyone who was around on MN at the time knew how much you love your DH.

clam Sun 07-Jun-15 23:33:14

Oh gosh, I remember all your threads so well. I wish your gorgeous girls the happiest of birthdays (although it's nearly over now) and there's just time for you to pour yourself a congratulatory drink to celebrate the wonderful job you've done in raising them to adulthood in spite of the shit thrown at you over the years. Your ILs made a horrendous time twenty times worse, IIRC.


clam Sun 07-Jun-15 23:35:12

Oh, I'm so sorry, I misread. Their birthday is tomorrow. Then I'm not too late. Happy birthday to them both.

NoMoreDelays Mon 08-Jun-15 08:46:02

I remember your posts from 2008.
You were a remarkable woman then and your girls (I still remember their names!) are lucky to have you.
Best wishes to you all.

mummylin2495 Mon 08-Jun-15 08:54:59

Hi OJ , many happy returns to your girls. 21, unbelievable. Your inlaws always were a pain in the arse and it seems they are still the same. Don't let them in your house. They are not welcome. Hope you are doing ok and recovered from your ill health x

FrankTurnersGuitar Mon 08-Jun-15 18:04:02

Thank you, their birthday was yesterday.
I'm touched that people remember our family.
The out-laws were a nightmare, no birthday cards for the first time ever, DS got one in April with the usual crap about them being their real family and once again including their phone number and a request to see him or phone, card went in the bin.

mummylin2495 Mon 08-Jun-15 21:52:25

I don't think that anyone who was around at the time Steve died will forget OJ. You were an absolute star. Didn't Steve have a brother ( twin ) who also caused you bother ?
Hope the girls had a lovely time and some great gifts. How old is E now ?
You would think that your inlaws would of stopped harassing you after all this time. Selfish bloody people.

sassytheFIRST Mon 08-Jun-15 21:56:24

Can't believe it's been 7 years.

Happy birthday to your girls and gentle punch on the arm for the anniversary. They're always hard, I find. Hope the mil stays well away and lets you mark the day in peace.

sassytheFIRST Mon 08-Jun-15 21:57:06

Will there be trifle btw?

FrankTurnersGuitar Mon 08-Jun-15 22:10:10

Yes there will be trifle!
Steves brother is still around we don't see him but he doesn't cause us any trouble, even Steves sister is behaving!
Elliot is now 18! And 6ft 4 he is very much like his dad, gentle kind and full of generosity.

mummylin2495 Mon 08-Jun-15 22:32:17

Crikey OJ he has grown tall, I would look like a midget beside him ! Glad that At least your BIL and SIL are behaving nicely. I will think of your Steve tomorrow.

FrankTurnersGuitar Mon 08-Jun-15 23:34:57

He towers over me I'm only 5ft 3 so it's not difficult, Steve was 6ft.
I'm not sure Elliot has finished growing yet, if he carries on he will need to stick his head out of the sunroof!

GaryBaldy Tue 09-Jun-15 09:12:08

Thoughts with you all today OJ flowers

mummylin2495 Tue 09-Jun-15 10:00:32

Remembering Steve , OJ and family today. I can't believe it's seven years. thanks

TheWildRumpyPumpus Tue 09-Jun-15 10:47:28

Bless you OJ and family - I had my candle lit for Steve and served up trifle along with so many other MNers.

I hope your health is on the mend now, I remember you being in the wars recently.

FrankTurnersGuitar Tue 09-Jun-15 15:16:47

Thank you all.
A few spoons of trifle will be eaten tonight. flowers

Weebirdie Tue 09-Jun-15 16:29:17

Frank, my son is also 6'4" tall.

He's currently upstairs in the shower having just come in from a 5 km walk that he does every day. He's doing his tigger on speed impression and if you were visiting us you'd be thinking that any minute now he'll be coming through the ceiling.

I hope you're girls had a lovely birthday, they sound very much like my boy, and if there's any trifle left I'll join you in a few spoonfuls of it.

We can all wash it down with a bottle of fizz I have in the fridge.


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