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Can't grieve for a parent

(4 Posts)
Cat1984 Thu 04-Jun-15 00:13:12

My stepdad passed away last august and I still feel that I haven't actually grieved for him, I was very close to him growing up as he was there since I was a baby and I always called him dad, I hadn't seen him for some time before his death as I have 6 children and he was in bad health, I live far from him and he said he wasn't feeling up to me coming with all the children so I stayed away even though I didn't want to. My younger brother and sister who were his biological children were in pieces after he passed and my older brother wasn't really there for them so I tried to be especially with my sister as she's the youngest and took it really hard. I haven't properly cried like I did when my biological dad died 10 years ago, I was a mess then and I hadn't been as close to him as my stepdad, also recently I separated from my partner and haven't been upset about that either but yet I'll cry at the soaps and films, even kids films, I cried at big hero 6 today, is there something wrong with me? sad

LuckyBitches Thu 04-Jun-15 10:21:24

It sounds like a coping mechanism to me - you've got so much to deal with at the moment. I think it's quite normal for people to switch off when it all gets too much. We all get through hard times in our own way.

flowers

crazyhead Thu 04-Jun-15 17:22:41

My Mum died a month ago, and I feel the same, even though I was around while she was dying (she died at home of cancer) and even though I loved her very, very much. However I have 1 and 3 yr old sons, major building work on at home, and a management job.

I don't exactly feel numb, but just as though I haven't got my head round the reality of it. But then, with my life or yours, where are these calm, reflective moments where it does sink in? I suspect that it is just a longer drawn out process in hectic circumstances

echt Sun 14-Jun-15 09:18:53

Sorry for your loss, Cat and crazyhead

I remember my DM weeping, years after the event, about not crying when her mother died. As much as I can gather, her DM was a piece of work but was, after all her mum.
I didn't cry for my DB until weeks after he died, though his death was entirely expected. I mourned in advance.
I didn't at my father's death, though I loved him dearly.
I didn't cry at my mother's death, though we were not very close, and I pitied her life.

Don't beat yourself up about this.

By chance, I've had (rare) dreams of them all, joyful, like a dive into a deep memory well.

I'm snivelling as I write this.

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