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my mum died

(9 Posts)
Enkopkaffetak Mon 01-Jun-15 12:49:20

My mum died Sunday morning,. She had a massive stroke and died. I am in a different country and didnt find out until 7 am.

It feels so surreal. I keep saying it to myself over and over..

my Mum died my mum died.. it doesnt feel real it feels like i am in some sort of bubble.

I haven't been close to her for years. we had a complex relationship. I felt she was more interested in my niece than my children. I felt she didnt care much about my children or my life as I was living in the UK and she was in DK.

About a month ago she called me and for the first time I can ever remember I had this conversation with her where she only spoke about my children. I even mentioned it to my friend how nice it had been to feel like she just wanted to talk to me and know what was going on in my life.

She came to visit me in Sep14 and I can remember as she went to go through to the plane I called her back to give her one more hug. I suddenly had this clear sensation that this was the last time I would see her. I was right.

Now she is dead and I wont ever again see her and right now there is so much to sort out and my head feels detached from everything else of me. I just keep hearing those words inside me...

As complex as she was and as complex as I am I loved her and I know she loved me. and now she is dead my mum died.

fiveacres Mon 01-Jun-15 12:54:08

I am so sorry. flowers

It's very difficult to lose somebody when your relationship was loving yet flawed. I had a similar problem with my dad.

It will not seem real for some time, but then it will, and hurt, and hurt - but it will get better.p

Debinaround Mon 01-Jun-15 12:57:55

I am so, so sorry.

Do you have anyone in RL to come to yours and hold your hand?

Try not to think about everything that needs doing, take one day at a time. You will be surprised at the amount of people who will help you and guide you through things.

Sending you love andthanks.

juliascurr Mon 01-Jun-15 12:57:59

it's very difficult when things were unresolved
everyone has regrets about things said, unsaid; done or left undone
but for us with complicated or difficult relationships, it's even worse
eventually it all gets less raw and easier to accept

Chopchopbusybusy Mon 01-Jun-15 13:08:06

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Loving yet flawed is a great phrase fiveacres. It sums up so many family situations.

captainfarrell Fri 12-Jun-15 16:19:47

My mum died on Sunday too. I know exactly how you feel. I don't know how I can talk about it frankly one day and be in a heap the next. I feel like a split personality. My mum was fabulous, so loving and warm. I was able to tell her and be with her in her final days. I can't see how life will ever be the same again. How can I carry on doing daily tasks and going about life when this has happened? I worry about my dad too. if i'm with him feel i should be at home with my family and children who are grieving but when i'm at home, i worry he's alone.

pushingupdaisies Sat 13-Jun-15 18:31:44

I took huge comfort from this poem when my Father died. Sending you lots of loves and hugs, it's an immensely hard time when you lose a parent.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

echt Sun 14-Jun-15 09:04:04

So sorry for your loss, both Enkopkaffetak and captainfarrell. thanks

sandgrown Sun 14-Jun-15 09:10:41

So sorry about your losses Enkop and Captain . It is hard to lose your mum but it will get better. I occasionally see her in the looks and mannerisms of my children flowers

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