My DF died a few months ago. Since then there have been major family ructions about every aspect of the inheritance and how it should be divided in practice (he didn't leave a will). It's awful and is making everything so much more stressful and unhappy, at an already unhappy time. I feel like I can't even get on with grieving because I'm having to deal with all this.
Has anyone been through similar? I could do with some good coping tips!
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Bereavement
Family unpleasantness over inheritance - how did you cope?
18 replies
EcclefechanTart · 28/05/2015 11:41
OP posts:
DarylDixonsDarlin ·
28/05/2015 20:23
Yes, we had some unpleasantness in our family after someone had died without a will and then someone else died who had something which had to be passed down to the first person's children, one of whom was not biologically and legally his, although he had raised the child. The things which were said by certain members of the family were unforgiveable, but fortunately they couldn't cause any legal problems over it.
The only coping tip I can give is not to get dragged in emotionally, but that is easier said than done I know. Just keep things on a practical and legal level as much as possible, without engaging in emotional issues. And don't let it stop you from grieving as you need to on a personal level. It will be over eventually, these things often take many many months to sort out but there is an end point to it, it just feels like a long way off sometimes.
Sorry for your loss 
INickedAName ·
28/05/2015 20:48
I'm sorry you lost your Father OP.
I lost my Dad three years ago, and have just found out that Dad removed my db and I name and added his stepson and half sister for inheritance when I was a child, they got 13k each, my bro and I, the stepmum, hundreds of thousands. My db and I nothing. There were other horrible vile things said to my bro (I went nc with them all not long after dad died) It hurts, not that we don't have money, but being left out, that rather than add his stepson and half sister to share, he removed us, and stepmum and step bro say this because he didn't give a shit about us.
I know what you mean about the phone calls, I couldn't grieve for my dad as stepmum would ring all the time crying, and if I mentioned I was struggling I was called selfish.
Is the money important to you? If your family are making you feel shit, would cutting contact be an option? You know what your family is like, and if they are going to be nasty, and say horrible things to you, I don't think any amount of money can make up for the stress and anxiety that arguing will do.
For me, cutting contact was the best thing I did. They didn't get to see how I crushed I was after hearing the poisonous voicemail left for my bro. My step family may have a small fortune now, but they are very very bitter and twisted, I'd rather be me, than them iyswim.
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk or just vent
DarylDixonsDarlin ·
28/05/2015 21:03
Indeed it is sad - its disgusting the way some people behave when people have died and there is money involved...in our case it was no surprise when the trouble started up, not that it made it any easier to deal with, and they didnt even stand to benefit financially from it! 
And yes in the end, no contact was the only way to deal with it. The bare minimum of correspondence with the troublemakers while things were being finalised, then after that, pfft!
EcclefechanTart ·
28/05/2015 21:28
I know the intestacy rules (off by heart and backwards by now!). The estate is very very complex, however, and the legalities are not entirely clear. We have different lawyers saying different things, siblings going back on agreements about who would be Administrator of the estate, and others trying to block them. Some who want to sell assets, others who don't, and some who don't trust the person who has applied to be Administrator (me included!).
I don't actually care about the money a jot - it's the people I care about. But it needs to be done fairly and there are a lot of difficult personalities and a fair few mental health issues.
The worst part is that two siblings are relying on me to stand up to unfairness, when they are too afraid of the fourth sibling themselves to do anything. And INickedAName upthread, some revelations about my DF that've come out - about how he treated various people - which are very distressing as well.
And on top of all this I just miss my DF. 
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