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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Funeral cost advice

22 replies

Fauxlivia · 19/05/2015 19:24

My mil has died and my dh is in no fit state to sort out her affairs so I am trying to do it. I think that she hasn't got insurance for funeral costs - is there some central register for insurers where I could find out for certain?

She had a pension but no savings and didn't claim any benefits. I am worrying about how to pay for the funeral. The only money I have is savings for my son's university costs and I don't want to use that as his loan doesn't even cover his accommodation and so he needs that money.

What happens if my mil hasn't made preparation for this. Tbf loads of people don't - who wants to think about it? Am a bit stressed. Dh tells me all her family are travelling from abroad to attend. Any advice would be gratefully received.

OP posts:

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EldonAve · 19/05/2015 20:29

Did she own anything else? Property? Car?

You can get help from the gov - more info here.

www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/overview

Fauxlivia · 19/05/2015 21:34

Car is leased so will have to go back. Her flat was rented. Dh isn't on any benefits and has a good wage but we have 4 dc and our ds is getting the minimum loan for uni because of his wage so we have to top up. Have been saving for this and at the risk of sounding horrible, I am unwilling to waste this money on a funeral. I have gone without holidays and have not done much needed work on my house etc to put this money aside and I want it for my children.

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millymae · 19/05/2015 21:56

Sorry to hear about your MIL. Did she have a bank account or savings of any description that you know of. If so, it always used to be the case that you can pay for funeral expenses out of these on production of the undertaker's invoice.

Fauxlivia · 19/05/2015 22:31

She doesn't have savings. She was a spender rather than a saver, which was fine because she always worked and had lots of income. Then she got ill, but I don't think she really thought about what would happen wrt car loans and credit card bills etc once she stopped working. So any savings she did have has been depleted by direct debits for bills. She was a very capable and strong woman - I guess she didn't think that it wouldn't always be that way

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Fauxlivia · 19/05/2015 22:34

Will call her bank tomorrow and try to freeze the account. Will also contact housing association.
Did anyone know if there's a central organisation where I can check existence of insurance policy. Her partner hasn't mentioned it and he's been in her home, so I suspect insurance doesn't exist.

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EldonAve · 20/05/2015 07:29

Will her partner contribute to the funeral costs?
Funeral expenses will be paid before any of her debts like the credit card

AFAIK there is no central register of insurance policies

Fauxlivia · 20/05/2015 16:46

my parents are going to pay it for me and I will pay them back. So long as I get a receipt from the funeral director can I get mils bank to pay back any credit in her account to me or my parents as we will have paid for the funeral up front.

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Fauxlivia · 20/05/2015 16:48

meant to add that her partner hasn't offered and I don't want to ask him. they weren't married or living together and had separate bank accounts so I would feel wrong.

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AnxiousKeziah · 20/05/2015 16:52

Sorry to hear of this added stress.
Was she still in employment at the time if her death - if so did she have a job that paid an amount out for when she died?

Fauxlivia · 20/05/2015 17:58

she was working up until the time she got ill but was a carer, going into people's homes and helping to look after them, so not an especially well paid job and I think it may even count as self employed.

Which brings me to the tax thing. I break out in a rash just thinking about hmrc but do they have first call on any money if there is any or is the funeral still first thing to be paid? I suspect the bank won't pay me back for the funeral cos they prefer to pay straight to the funeral director but I need to sort funeral asap and dh is in no state really to be talking to the bank first and bank won't deal with me as I am not really nok.

Dread phoning hmrc. Had to go to her house today to look for papers so I know who to call. Felt really intrusive.

When I am old I am going to sort all my stuff so my kids never have to do this for me.

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Fauxlivia · 20/05/2015 18:02

And I called her housing association today who were very 'sorry for your loss but the rent is still payable so crack on and clear the house' in their attitude. Her credit card company are implying that I need to pay her bill and won't listen to me telling them that there is no money.

Thanks for listening to me rant. Can't tell dh all the details.

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UsainWho · 20/05/2015 18:05

When my MIL died, we put everything in the hands of the solicitor administering the will. They dealt with the credit card companies etc., and were also responsibly for finding out about pensions/insurance I think. Funerals are so expensive and we had to put this one on our credit card but then there was a house sale so we knew we'd get it back from the solicitor. It's a difficult thing at a very difficult time.

EldonAve · 20/05/2015 18:10

The funeral is still the first thing to be paid before the credit card etc

Lots of funeral directors will offer you an interest free loan - might be worth asking about this

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/dealing-with-the-debts-of-someone-who-has-died

Fauxlivia · 20/05/2015 18:37

thanks everyone. my parents are happy to lend me the money and they won't charge me interest

I know I an not liable for any of her debts but I don't want my dh to be hassled by credit card companies trying it on!

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Fauxlivia · 20/05/2015 18:39

Can't find a will and don't really want to pay a solicitor on top of covering the cost of the funeral. Think a will would be pointless as there is no house and no savings or other assets that I know of.

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AnxiousKeziah · 20/05/2015 19:07

Have you heard of the Gov's bereavement payment of £2,000 to help cover funerals? This link will explain if you can claim it in this case but it is for those who die before pension age but paid NI:
www.gov.uk/bereavement-payment

Fauxlivia · 20/05/2015 19:13

Thanks Anxious. mil was 71. we kept saying she should retire but she loved her job and didn't want to stop.

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AnxiousKeziah · 20/05/2015 19:19

Ah I see.
It is so hard and an added stress; sadly have been there.

specialsubject · 30/05/2015 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sometimesjustonesecond · 09/07/2015 09:47

Hi all. Its the OP here (have nc). Can i ask you for some more advice on how to word a letter to mils bank?

They wrote yesterday outlining what money remains in mils account and pointing out that she owes them money. They ended by saying that while they acknowledge we are not liable they still want to talk to dh about it.

On the strengrh of this thread I have done nothing further wrt mils affairs. I want to write to the bank saying that dh has decided not to be administrator due to estate being insolvent and that he wants no further involvement. I think the bank are angling for him to give permission for them to take what they are owed but I wont do that because I was told on here that once you involve yourself in financial stuff you make yourself liable. Mil may well still owe tax and who knows what else.

Can any of you advise me how to word the letter? Would like to avoid getto g a solicitor because I dont want to have to pay in order to deal with something which isnt my 'problem' iyswim.

Thanks

Antiopa12 · 27/07/2015 07:05

can you get an appointment at your local citizens advice bureau? they are used to dealing with debt situations and what to do when someone has died.

Antiopa12 · 27/07/2015 07:07

if you cannot get an appointment google adviceguide and you will get the citizens advice web page which contains advice.
Just seen the date on your last post. I guess things must have moved on .
I hope you are doing ok OP.

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