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My beautiful son Evan

(100 Posts)
bella93 Wed 13-May-15 19:07:05

Evan was born January 28th 2012 and he died on January 14th 2015. he was just a few weeks away from turning 3

I went to check on him at about 9 pm as he would sometimes get out of bed and play but would always fall asleep on the floor. I checked on him and thought he was asleep at first but I knew something was off so I went in to look properly and he wasn't breathing.

I checked his pulse and he didn't have one so I tried CPR but I was too late.. I don't remember much after that but I shouted DH in who tried too but we were both too late.. he was gone. We didn't know why. it was all so sudden.

Autopsy showed an inoperable brain tumor. He wouldn't have lived even if we had found it before hand but I feel awful that we didnt catch it earlier.

I keep having flashbacks to that day that he died. I just want to die too. I have a 1 year old daughter too and I just feel like I am a shit mum for her as I dont do anything with her, I hardly show her any affection as Im always so depressed. I just keep thinking about Evan. When it's cold I think about him in his grave.. he never liked being cold. when it's raining I worry he'll be cold and wet. I can't stop thinking about him.

I just keep thinking that if I die these thoughts will stop and I wont be so depressed anymore.

Nolim Wed 13-May-15 19:08:28

flowers

sassytheFIRST Wed 13-May-15 19:08:40

Oh sweetheart. How awful for you. Would you like to tell us more about your lovely son?

YokoUhOh Wed 13-May-15 19:09:55

What a beautiful boy flowers

Lolly86 Wed 13-May-15 19:09:59

I'm so sorry x

NedZeppelin Wed 13-May-15 19:10:24

Very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Evan.

Halfling Wed 13-May-15 19:11:21

I am so sorry. You sound so heart broken. Big hugs x

donemekmelarf Wed 13-May-15 19:11:34

Such a sweet little face. So sorry for your loss. x

VanitasVanitatum Wed 13-May-15 19:13:35

Oh Bella. You're doing so so well, this will get easier for you over time. Your daughter needs you flowers

LeChien Wed 13-May-15 19:14:16

I'm so, so sorry. What a lovely little boy.
thanks

Tory79 Wed 13-May-15 19:15:18

What a beautiful boy. I am so sorry. Life can be so shit and unfair.

AssembleTheMinions Wed 13-May-15 19:15:25

I am so very sorry. Words just simply aren't enough.

What a beautiful boy xx

myneighbourtotoro2 Wed 13-May-15 19:16:47

Its just not fair . So sorry this has happened. My thoughts are with you and your family thanksthanks

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 13-May-15 19:20:08

So very sorry for your loss, Bella.

Dansak Wed 13-May-15 19:24:36

He is gorgeous, what a sweet little face. I can't even begin to imagine the horror you are living with. Thinking of you and thank you for sharing your beautiful boy flowers.

SycamoreMum Wed 13-May-15 19:26:35

Sorry for your loss.. xx

Tequilashotsfor1 Wed 13-May-15 19:28:59

Oh I'm so sorry flowers

He is beautiful. Life is so fucking horrible sometimes. Have you had any councilling ? X

Oscarandelliesmum Wed 13-May-15 19:29:24

What a lovely little boy. I am so sorry for your loss. flowers

DoItTooJulia Wed 13-May-15 19:29:26

Oh, what a lovely little boy.

I have no idea how you function after something like this, I'm not surprised you feel how you do. flowers

Does your dd go to nursery or a childminder? Could she go for a couple of days a week to take the pressure off for a wee while?

What RL support do you and your DH have? Family? Friends?

there is a lovely internet space for babylost parents it's brilliant.

passmethewineplease Wed 13-May-15 19:29:37

he's beautiful, looks like a cheeky chappy.

So sorry for your loss Bella. Please do not feel like a shit mum, you aren't. flowers

SilverSamhainFairy Wed 13-May-15 19:31:39

My heart aches for the loss of your beautiful boy. I wish I had words to bring comfort to you. I am praying for peace and strength for you and your family..xx

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Wed 13-May-15 19:32:17

I'm so sorry Bella, he's beautiful and you sound like a great mum flowers

ISpyPlumPie Wed 13-May-15 19:32:22

I am so sorry for your loss flowers

maroonedwithfour Wed 13-May-15 19:33:23

I am so sorry for your loss. Evan was very beautiful. It must have been a terrible shock to loose Evan so suddenly.flowers

Are you recieving any support or treatment?

MadameJosephine Wed 13-May-15 19:34:48

Oh god how terrible, I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful boy flowers

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