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My husband died today

(88 Posts)
nightcapers Sun 10-May-15 02:14:07

I am a very long-term lurker of mumsnet and am writing because I need to tell someone. My husband aged 55 died today.I found him in bed when I got up late as I expected to be working tonight.I knew right away something was wrong as nothing had been moved and he always did little things to help me.He was in remission from cancer but otherwise well though he suffered a lot of pain in his legs and feet.I don't know the actual cause of death yet.We had so many plans for the future and four children and grandchildren.I can't believe it. I wish I hadn't pushed him so much to do stuff I was too hard on him not wanting him to give up and become old before his time.How stupid was I.How foolish and stupid not to get into bed with him and cuddle him and tell him I loved him

AlpacaMyBags Sun 10-May-15 02:17:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

liger Sun 10-May-15 02:19:10

Oh nightcapers. I'm so very sorry. Please be kind to yourself x

nightcapers Sun 10-May-15 02:19:31

I'm on my own now my daughters were here but I didn't want anyone to stay thank you for replying

JoanHickson Sun 10-May-15 02:21:40

Your daughters sound supportive. I am sorry to hear of your loss.

nightcapers Sun 10-May-15 02:21:59

Thank you I;ve only ever posted before once under a different name I love reading your stories and have laughed and cried with you through many a long night,crazy that it took this to make me post again just feeling so dazed

liger Sun 10-May-15 02:22:36

I hope you are given some answers soon. It must be very hard not knowing what happened.

BillyJoel Sun 10-May-15 02:23:11

I am so sorry. You must be in shock, and have time to think now everyone has gone home. Your husband was probably glad to have you encouraging him to keep young.

Wishing you strength.

TooTiredToBeCreative Sun 10-May-15 02:24:20

So sorry nightcapers x

senrensareta Sun 10-May-15 02:24:58

I'm so sorry nightcapers. You should not regret things but focus on all the good times you had together. My DH and I are similar age and I know that despite any niggles we have had great times bringing up our family and I'm sure you are the same as you have mentioned your daughters. Remember him with love and positivity, you loved each other and I am sorry for your loss

Strokethefurrywall Sun 10-May-15 02:25:32

I'm so very sorry - what an awful shock for you.
I'm 5 hours behind so if you need to talk I'm here thanks

lordStrange Sun 10-May-15 02:25:43

flowers I'm very sorry. Wishing you strength and peace.

MyFriendsCallMeOh Sun 10-May-15 02:26:02

So sorry for your loss. He knew he was loved, that was the most important thing. Wishing you comfort and strength x

nightcapers Sun 10-May-15 02:26:25

He was breathing very heavily when I checked on him this morning I even thought better get him checked out for sleep apnoea never thought they were his last. He was an amazing husband,Dad and Granddad

Kampeki Sun 10-May-15 02:27:22

I'm so very sorry. 55 is so young. sad

BoreOfWhabylon Sun 10-May-15 02:27:51

What a dreadful, dreadful shock for you nightcapers. I'm so very sorry. Please don't reproach yourself, I'm sure you're neither foolish nor stupid. flowers

nightcapers Sun 10-May-15 02:32:12

Thank you so much you are so kind I hope he knew he was loved I wish I had told him more often I think I could have been a better wife the last few months I have been fed up with work and stupid things and he was always the person who got my moans we had been married for 34 years.

WeeWeegieWummin Sun 10-May-15 02:33:56

So very sorry x

nightcapers Sun 10-May-15 02:36:36

I suppose we were a bit like Jack and Vera off Coronation Street having our grumbles but we both knew we couldn't live without the other he tried unbelievably hard and I didn't appreciate it enough

nightcapers Sun 10-May-15 02:38:00

Thank you again everyone you are incredibly kind

HappinessHappening Sun 10-May-15 02:45:38

I am so very sorry for your loss flowers

What a horrific shock for you, I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through

I am sure though, that he felt loved and appreciated even if everyday life stresses got in the way. When you are with that special person the love and care and thanks don't need to be said out loud all the time, they are there in every moment you have together xxx

BillyJoel Sun 10-May-15 02:46:31

34 years together is amazing. Well done for that. I think your DH knew how deep your relationship was and your underlying love. We all get distracted by life and don't remember to tell each other or even acknowledge each other sometimes.

I hope you are feeling better now, though you have some horrible times to go through. Can you sleep, or is your head still spinning?

senrensareta Sun 10-May-15 02:46:59

Night When you have been married this long you don't have to tell each other you are loved to know it. He spent the best part of his life with you in all senses

Topseyt Sun 10-May-15 02:50:22

I am so sorry to read this, nightcapers. It really must have been a terrible shock for you.

I am sure your husband knew you loved him. Please try to be kind to yourself now too. Are any family or friends able to come and spend time with you, so that you are not on your own?

OneInAMillionYou Sun 10-May-15 02:52:20

Hello Nightcapers, I hope you are getting some sleep? I am wide awake tonight so if you need some company, do message me.
I am really sorry for your loss and the circumstances of your husband passing.
As everyone else has said, 34 years together is a wonderful achievement but the cruel flip side of that is of course you will miss him terribly.

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