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Can anyone give me some advice?

(9 Posts)
TheTravellingLemon Fri 08-May-15 20:44:10

I've had the devastating news today that my lovely friend's baby has died. She is absolutely broken as you can imagine and I just don't know how to support her. She told me on the phone today and I just had no words of comfort at all. It's not fair. It's so cruel. This little baby was so desperately wanted. She doesn't deserve to be in this pain. All I could do was cry with her and tell her I was sorry.

I just don't know what to do. I am pregnant myself. I am worried that I can't see her. I feel like if I was her the sight of the bump would destroy me. Our babies were meant to grow up together.

I don't know when to phone her. I don't know how to be. I want to help, but I know I can't really. I don't even know if I can just be there for her being that just the sight of me must be painful for her. Just heartbroken.

TheTravellingLemon Fri 08-May-15 20:57:17


SoldierBear Fri 08-May-15 21:01:12

Can you write a card and deliver it by hand? She might want to invite you in, she might not feel up to it, but she'll know that you care about her.
You sound like a lovely, caring friend.
I am so very sorry for her loss.

PigeonPie Fri 08-May-15 21:03:11

I would say drop a card round and try to keep talking to her. It can sometimes be very very isolating because people don't know what to say, but in my experience, I'd have rather had someone talk to me than avoid me.

Runnaway Fri 08-May-15 21:10:47

This happened to someone I know. Other babies/pregnancies did not bother her in the way people worried they might. She only wanted her baby back.

Whatever you do will be done with kindness so you can't go wrong.

TheTravellingLemon Fri 08-May-15 21:12:14

I could and I know she would invite me in, but I think it would be because she's polite. She didn't even want to tell me because she was worried about me being upset sad.

She is having a funeral in a couple of days but has said she just wants it to be her and her DH.

Anaffaquine Fri 08-May-15 21:17:05

My baby was stillborn and I agree with Runaway that I was still happy for other people just desperate for my own healthy little bundle.
I actually told my closest friends to keep the news of my loss from our other friend who was 33wks with her first at the time. I didn't want to put any undue stress on her.
They didn't keep it from her and the whole lot of them turned up at my house with cakes and films to look after me for a while. Just go with your gut - what you think will be best for your friend. If she is anything like me, she will always be grateful for having such lovely thoughtful friends.

Runnaway Fri 08-May-15 21:19:57

anaff flowers

TheTravellingLemon Fri 08-May-15 21:38:13

Anaffaquine flowers. Thank you for sharing that and thanks everyone for your advice.

I think I will have to play it by ear. I think I'll call her Sunday to see if she is ok after the funeral and take it from there.

It's reassuring to hear that my bump won't upset her.

It really is the most cruel thing. I am heartbroken for her. I know she has to grieve, but I wish she didn't have to be in such pain. I know there is no other way. It's not fair.

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