I miss my family so very much

[Underthedeepblueocean]

I haven't even cried properly for my Dad, or my Mum or brother.

Mum died when I was 15. I couldn't cry as it was a relief because it followed a long illness. It's only now I'm starting to understand what I lost, what I've had taken from me and my children too.

My mum had her faults but loved me dearly. She would go to the ends of the earth to make me happy; nothing was too much trouble. She loved babies and animals and cared so much for elder members of the family.

My dad died when I was 29. I feel like it was my fault. I caused him stress then he had a heart attack. He died so suddenly. I was in shock and then numb for ages and ages.

My dad gave me so much; i used to love talking to him. I was so hurt after my mum died as he couldn't cope and just kept meeting girlfriends and they shoved me out but he didn't know. He was so lovely. I feel I messed his funeral up. He deserved better.

My brother died a few months after my dad. My brother was kind and loyal and just wanted acceptance. I barely saw him as I was busy.

I miss them so much.

[MagpieCursedTea]

Sorry for your losses, it sounds like you've been through a lot

[Underthedeepblueocean]

Thank you. I have, I think I just shut down.

[NewnessMoo]

None of this is your fault Underthe I know that for sure.

Please take from me that you have done your very best, and yes I do know where you are coming from! You love them you did what you could at the time! What else could anyone expect? xx

[notquitegrownup2]

Oh Under you have been through so much, so young. No wonder you are feeling the loss of your family. Do you have other siblings/a partner or children of your own now? They will never fill the gap of your other family members, but they can support you and remind you that you are precious and important in your own right and that life can be wonderful as well as cruel.

Did you have bereavement counselling? 'Cruse' are an excellent organisation and in many towns around the country. They are usually staffed by people who have also been bereaved and know that it can affect different people in many different ways. They will listen, and be with you if you need someone to talk to who understands.

Please be reassured that you did not cause your dad's heart attack. You were young - all parents know and accept that bringing up children involves a certain amount of stress, but we don't love them any the less for that. It must have been hard for you sharing him with new girlfriends, when you were coming to terms with the loss of your mum at the time. However, if his heart gave up that's because it had a medical fault in it, not because of anything you did.

Thinking of you and hoping that you can find people in rl to help you now. Please do grasp all the help that you can. My mum lost her own mum after a long illness when she was a similar age, but would never talk about it or share her feelings - she has carried the burden throughout her life.

HTH. Keep on posting here, if nothing else. MN is full of people with wise words who will support you, whilst you find other sources of support.

[Underthedeepblueocean]

Thank you so much.

I met a man who took advantage of my vulnerability, after my mum had died - I'm trying to get rid of him now.

I have two children and I am expecting a third in the summer. I love them so much but I feel so inadequate as a parent.

Sometimes I am frightened of how much I love them and almost resent then for it, how stupid is that?

[notquitegrownup2]

Oh Sweetheart your emotions will be all over the place: you have been through so much, and didn't have the one person most of us rely on to guide us through some of the traumas in life. You have had to find your own way to a large extent.

However, you have your lovely - and no doubt exasperating, at times - children, and the fact that you are challenging your feelings and questioning yourself suggests that you are growing in strength. If you have grown over the hurt, however, then it can niggle from underneath: it is always worth looking to counselling to explore and validate your feelings and to help you to deal with them in a healthy way. As mentioned before, I can't recommend Cruse enough.

Best of luck in finding your way forward. Incidentally, we all feel inadequate as parents at times. That is not to minimise your feelings - it is an awful feeling - but it is something which other Mnetters, if not counselling, will recognise and be able to help you to move forward with.

[notquitegrownup2]

PS - our emotions are neverstupid. They may, however, be telling us that we have issues which need to be dealt with, if we are going to be able to move forward with healthy relationships.

[Underthedeepblueocean]

Thanks so much for that x