Children & Death - advice please

(3 Posts)
Normal4Norfolk Fri 20-Mar-15 21:25:55

Just posted this under 'parenting but realised should prob go here*

Sadly, my 99yo Nan is looking like she's about to pass very soon.

We have dd5 and ds3 who although aren't hugely close to their GGM as such, they know her, remember her, talk about her and really enjoy our visits to see her. My DD in particular. I'm anticipating her death will bring about a lot of confusion, questions and sadness for them both.

I have no idea what to tell the DCs when she passes. Do I forewarn them? Or do I tell them after it happens? How do I explain it? Do we take them to the funeral?

The concept of death won't be new to them, as we frequently have to kill ants (!) and see dead animals on the road and talk about that etc. I did have to tell DD there's a choice of heaven or an after-life when she got very upset about getting old, dying and never living again, so this will have to feature as part of the conversations we have!

If anyone has any experience in this area, I'd greatly appreciate any advice, or suggestions as to where to go to get some.

OP’s posts: |
Musicaltheatremum Fri 20-Mar-15 23:19:12

Ony children lost their great grandmother (my grandma) when they were 5 and 3. This was 17 years ago. They didn't see her often and my son(the younger) barely remembers her. My daughter remembers her but really didn't take much in about the death and dying. I didn't take them to the funeral and talking to them now they are not unhappy about how I handled it. Because they only saw her every 2-3 months she didn't signify highly in their lives and they didn't seem to struggle with things. I think just be honest and say that she was old and tired and has gone to heaven, or however you wish to phrase it. sorry to hear about your Gran, 99 is a great age.

friendofsadgirl Fri 20-Mar-15 23:24:48

I lost my wonderful grandmother when DD was 3. DD knew she was very sick and I said that when people got too sick, they went to heaven. When DGG died, I told DD that DGG had gone to heaven, that she would feel better now and that even though DD wouldn't see her again, DGG could see us and would always watch over us. We didn't take DD to the funeral but PILs brought her to the wake afterwards which we told her was a party to remember DGG and celebrate her getting to heaven. She often asks about DGG even now, 4 years later. I'm so glad that DD remembers this lovely lady and I need to stop typing now as I am getting teary..
flowers for you and your lovely Nan.

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