5 months pregnant and I lost my dad yesterday :-(

(10 Posts)
starfish12 Thu 12-Feb-15 08:21:06

My lovely dad finally lost his battle against cancer and having never experienced death or grief before I'm finding it so overwhelming, esp being pregnant.

In so many ways we couldn't have asked for more - he was given 6 months when diagnosed and lasted 2 years meaning he was around for both the birth and first birthday of my DS1 (his first and only grandchild), he made it to his 70th where we had a big family party, and even though he suffered terribly in his last weeks and never made it home from hospital as was his wish, he died peacefully in the arms of my mum with me and my sister by his side. I just can't stop thinking about his last breaths and how utterly profound the whole experience was... feels so unreal.

I haven't given the new baby a second thought all pregnancy and worried about how I will cope grieving and being a mum of 2 under 2 (I live at the opposite end of the country to any family so will be mostly doing it on my own - DH is amazingly supportive but works fulltime). Any advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation?
x

minmooch Thu 12-Feb-15 08:26:54

So sorry for your loss. Not been in the same situation as I lost my son to cancer. Grief is a bummer. It's all consuming. But try to take some solace that your Dad got that extra time, got to meet his first GC and was aware of the new life growing. Cry when you need to. Embrace the new life growing inside you. It will be hard but it is the right order of things. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, each person needs to find the way that helps them through.

Xx

magimedi Thu 12-Feb-15 09:12:57

I held my father's hand as he dies & I agree with you that it is an incredibly profound experience & 25 years on, it is still a great comfort to me.

I think when the new baby arrives you will get such a rush of delight at the new life that you will feel a lot better.

And min is right when she says that this is the right order of things.

magimedi Thu 12-Feb-15 09:13:05

died

ticketiboo Thu 12-Feb-15 22:15:23

Big hugs to you. My mum died when I was 37 weeks pregnant with my second. My thoughts for you would be to hold your wee one tight and focus on allowing yourself to grieve properly for the next couple of months, then allow yourself to enjoy your new baby when the time comes. I was in a daze and utterly floored, and still feel bitter (dd is now 3) that my first few months with her were consumed by grief. That said, her arrival was a source of great joy to all the family, and certainly kept me going. Be kind to yourself and ask for all the help you need. Xx

DaddysGoneAHunting Sun 22-Feb-15 10:51:30

Starfish, I could have written your post 3 weeks ago when my dad passed away. I'm also 5 months pregnant and my dad was only 70. How strange is that? My dad died suddenly in his sleep with absolutely no warning. I don't have any answers for you. My mum is de straight and I'm not physically strong enough to cope with her grief let alone my own. But I just thought I'd say you're not alone and I completely understand how you are feeling. I have made no baby preparations I can't even think about it.

greenflamingo Sat 06-Jun-15 00:26:08

This happened to me too. I was 6 months with my second child when my mum died. I don't really know what to tell you other than that you will still enjoy your baby, you will sit and sob frequently and some of life will pass you by in a blur. It's strange how nature just takes over and the new baby just sort of happens in spite of the backdrop of grief.

Sending much love to you.

whatisforteamum Sat 06-Jun-15 15:12:15

Sending you ((hugs)) my df is dying of cancer no idea how you cope but i wanted to say i am so sorry and i hope your new baby will bring you enormous comfort in a few months time xx

Kefybaby Sat 06-Jun-15 23:15:22

Sending you lots of hugs and strength.
I lost my dad unexpectedly when I was 5 months pregnant with my first DC. He was 58.
In many ways being pregnant helped me remain sane. I knew I had to keep functioning for the sake of DD1. I do not know how I would have coped had I not been pregnant... I was twelve days overdue when DD1 was born and I think that in many ways I was preventing labour from starting (psychologically - if that makes sense) because I knew that once the baby was born I would have to face reality and not remain in denial to protect my unborn baby.
I hope your new baby gives you strength and comfort and brings joy to your life.
Sending you love. X

MadauntofA Sat 06-Jun-15 23:23:44

I lost mine to cancer when I was 17wks pregnant with my 1st. I remember the grief and trying to stay strong for DM. I felt really cheated that he never got to see either of my DDs and still think he should be here and enjoying retirement, but it has changed my relationship with my DM and we are very close now. We never talk about those last few weeks as that wasn't really him, and we now talk a lot about the great person he was. My DDs hear a lot about him, and I can see him in both of them but especially my eldest. I hope you stay strong, grief can do funny things to people and you won't all react in the same way but I hope your DC can provide a little distraction at this awful time.xx

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