my mum died and i have no support from dh

(2 Posts)
heartisbroken Wed 21-Jan-15 23:50:31

This may be long so apologies in advance! My beautiful mum who was my best friend and such a big big part of my life died just before Christmas at the age of 60. Although she had been ill, it is broken my heart. As was so much to organise and seemed harder as was Christmas, by the time the funeral was over and Christmas was dine, i had to go back to work so feel like have no time to grieve properly. In the run up to my mum dying, i spent all the time i could with her, which meant most days i would work 13 hours, come home put my young dd to bed then go straight to the hospice or her house until very late. During this time was a bit hit and miss with dh, sometimes fine, others we would argue about me not spending much time at home. When she died, i went straight to mum and dads house v early in the morning (where she was) and i had to call dh later in the pm to come to see me. This hurt as other partners were there supporting my sisters. He claimed was looking after dd. I would have got a babysitter. Its now been a month since she died and he has not once shown a sign of missing her. We have been together 11 years and she treated him like a son as his dm who was not close to died a long time ago. We have rowed every night this week as when i get upset he basically says to pull myself together and we cant sit around mourning for the rest of our lives. in so sad/angry he hasn't shown any sense of loss and is not supporting me. Ive told him this but he just says im nagging. What can i do xx

OP’s posts: |
iseenodust Thu 22-Jan-15 14:39:42

I'm sorry that your mum has died and your DH is not supportive. It's a true cliche that we all grieve in different ways. I guess the clue is in that your DH did not have a close relationship with his mother leading to his perception of your loss not being the same as your reality? He does sound insensitive but I know lots of husbands who would not think to rush and get a babysitter in the same circumstance (can't think of any wives though if it was the other way round). If he does not have it within him to listen to you perhaps talk/share memories with your sisters more?

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