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Sensitive subject surrounding ashes

(11 Posts)
aldiconvert Sat 17-Jan-15 10:58:31

Advice needed please !!!
I recently lost my Nanna and are soon to collect the ashes. One of her two sons wants to scatter them in his garden and my dad is okay with this. However, her 6 grand child inc myself, I very strongly feel that they shouldn't be scattered there for the following reasons
1. His garden is at the opposite end of the country to where she lived for her whole life - although she did die in his home during a visit.
2. He has only just bought the property and is 70 himself And in poor health so when he dies the house will be sold and we will have no family place to go and think about Nanna.
3. We feel that her ashes should be scattered in her home town somewhere and possibly somewhere we can visit and her great grand children can visit.
How do we raise this so soon and without causing upset or arguments ????

VikingLady Sat 17-Jan-15 11:06:18

Can you split them? We split my dad's ashes because he'd expressed a wish for a particular place but my mum didn't like it (not very photogenic, can't really have a private moment there) and wanted to plant a tree over him instead.

I'm sorry for your loss

aldiconvert Sat 17-Jan-15 11:24:57

I thought of that idea but my siblings don't like the idea of splitting the ashes and feel as though Nanna should be kept together .... Difficult to keep everyone happy , especially when it is a big family.

PuddingandPie1 Sat 17-Jan-15 16:49:02

Splitting the ashes might be better than splitting the family!

aldiconvert Sat 17-Jan-15 23:36:29

Very true !

Goldmandra Sun 18-Jan-15 08:35:17

Why not find a different way to remember her in her home town?

You could buy a bench for a local park or plant a tree. Maybe just go together to place she liked to say goodbye?

Does your special place have to be where her ashes were scattered?

ExitPursuedByABear Sun 18-Jan-15 08:38:12

My mum's ashes were scattered in three different locations.

My aunt's were split into 4 lots.

It's quite normal.

donkir Sun 18-Jan-15 08:39:46

We split my nanas ashes too. She was heavily into photography so we all got an old film canister with some ashes in to do with as we pleased.
My grandfather kept the rest and mixed them with wild flower seeds. He went and spread them all around their favourite places in Scotland. Each year since her passing he's taken two trips in April and September and goes to see all the flowers.

MERLYPUSSEDOFF Sun 18-Jan-15 10:51:08

They are only the burnt remains of your nan. Could you get a rose/tree that has her name for the son to put in his garden? His own remembrance place. All the family has a named tree for my nephew. The crem kept the ashes.
If he is the only child left then I, personally, think he gets first call.
The best idea I ever saw was a family on a beach (several generations) building a sandcastle on the beach. Everyone was having a picnic and a great time. I mentioned to one of the 'dads' that the building of the moat was getting a bit 'competetive dad' and he laughed and said they had put nannas ashes under the castle and were hurrying to build the castle so nanna could be washed out to sea so the whole family (some were living abroad) could remember her when they saw the ocean. It was a real celebration of life - BBQ, picnic, beach cricket the lot.

MERLYPUSSEDOFF Sun 18-Jan-15 13:41:15

That came across as a bit blunt. Sorry!
What I meant was, memories are far more important than the location of someone's ashes.

aldiconvert Tue 20-Jan-15 17:50:38

Thank you everyone. I feel a lot happier respecting my dad's wishes now I have other ideas such as planting a tree or naming a bench .....

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