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Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

(1000 Posts)
mummylin2495 Thu 15-Jan-15 23:29:08

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

supermariossister Fri 16-Jan-15 07:30:20

Hope that doesn't happen Lin can see why your worried the weather has been horrendous lately.

candykane25 Fri 16-Jan-15 09:22:25

Is there any chance it can be removed? I know this has been an ongoing worry for you mummylin.

A little message to any one new who joins this thread - The last thread has been such a huge support to me since I lost my dad four months ago and the lovely people who come on this thread always seem to offer just the right thought or sentiment which makes a difference. thanks to mummylin for providing these threads which give us somewhere to go x

ssd Fri 16-Jan-15 09:34:47

the weather here has been awful, but luckily we never lost our power lines, wouldnt that have been awful, its so cold here

ssd Fri 16-Jan-15 09:35:23

( I second candys post)

lovesmycake Fri 16-Jan-15 09:42:48

I lost my mum 15 yrs ago yesterday. It seems like a big milestone but it's been so long no-one talks about it anymore. Don't know why I'm posting really just feels nice to acknowledge it somewhere.

Love you mum, sorry you never got to meet your grandkids I know how much they would have meant to you x

mummylin2495 Fri 16-Jan-15 10:00:19

Hello lovesmycakes I think that this sort of thing happens a lot, I think that as time goes by others get immersed back into their lives and seem to not acknowledge the people we have loved and lost. I have to say I bring my mum into a conversation all the time. I love talking about her and i always will.I would find it very hurtful if no-one ever mentioned her. It's a way of keeping her memory alive.
You can talk to us about your mum if it helps

lovesmycake Fri 16-Jan-15 11:01:25

We do talk about mum but more in a general way, kind of oh so and so is good at jigsaws just like mum. My family have never spoken about the day she died and anniversary's are not remembered and we definitely don't talk about feelings!!

15 yrs just seems like to long she shouldn't have missed so much. Arrgh I don't know why I started this, feeling quite emotional now which is a bit unnecessary considering how long ago it was.

Thanks for taking the time to reply, I hope you get the problem with the tree sorted. I'm going to go off and find myself a grip smile

lovesmycake Fri 16-Jan-15 11:03:04

Ah crap, I certainly did not mean to imply that there is a time limit on grief or on being upset just in case my post read that way confused

mummylin2495 Fri 16-Jan-15 11:25:16

No you didn't cakes post was absolutely fine. And for what it's worth I don't think there is a time limit on grief be it two years or twenty years. Funnily enough you mention jigsaws which have always been a bane in my life , I hated them probably because I am very impatient , my mum loved them and would stay up to the early hours doing them. Since she has been gone I have now taken to doing puzzles ! Just small ones not ones with hundreds of pieces !

lovesmycake Fri 16-Jan-15 11:39:18

Mum was always into butterflies I wasn't so bothered to be honest but after she died I just found them so beautiful. I have lots of butterfly things now just like she did and her mother before her.

candykane25 Fri 16-Jan-15 17:55:31

Lovesmycake, I would imagine the 15yr mark has caused you a period of reflection and it's impossible not to feel sad.
Sadly there were only 17yrs between my grandma passing and then my dad passing, both from cancer. I know I will grieve for my dad until the day I die.
I think we take on the mantle from our parents. My dad didn't do jigsaws but he did do Christmas, and fun, and had a can do attitude which I am carrying forward for him.

HearMyRoar Fri 16-Jan-15 18:39:06

I have just had a call from my dad to say my mum has died. She has been ill with cancer for a long time and was given days to live well over a week ago, so it's not a surprise but I still feel like I've been hit round the head.

We were at the hospice with her this afternoon and she was breathing badly but acknowledged us and took water off a sponge. My dad even got a little smile.

We both decided to head home for a couple of hours for some dinner and rest and maybe go back this evening. She died less then an hour after we left. I think she was waiting for us to go. I don't think she wanted my dad to have to watch her die. She once said to me she thought he would find it too hard and she was always the sort of person who stood by something after she decided.

Dh is putting dd to bed now. It all feels so odd, I don't really know what to do with myself.

candykane25 Fri 16-Jan-15 19:31:14

Hearmyroar,
I am so sorry your mum has gone. Cancer is tough. Yes, she may have wanted to spare you.

It may well seem a bit surreal for a while. It's a very big thing to process.
Please be very gentle and kind to yourself. We are all here to listen whenever you need to talk.

mummylin2495 Fri 16-Jan-15 19:44:30

Hello hearmyroar deepest sympathy on your loss. I can imagine at the moment you don't know what to do with yourself, even though you were expecting this outcome it is still a massive shock when it happens.We can be here to support you and give you our shoulders when you need. Tonight I would imagine you may well be with your dad and other family members so may not see our posts. In the coming days you will find it hard to believe what has happened Even though you know it has. This is all quite normal.
I am glad you were able to spend time with her this afternoon and that she prob knew you were there. Do you have siblings ? I do hope that your dad has support. This must be awful for him. Look after yourself

HearMyRoar Fri 16-Jan-15 20:27:03

I've just had a slice of chocolate cake and am drinking champagne while watching a Jason statham film (dh knows what I need, bless him).

My dad is a very self contained person and I think he needs a bit of time on his own to process this. I've said I'll go round first thing tomorrow.

mummylin2495 Fri 16-Jan-15 20:28:41

Glad Dh is looking after you. It's just what you need at this time.

LittlePink Sat 17-Jan-15 13:06:48

Hi again, but of good news. I had the baby on the 14th. We had a little boy but not so little, a whopping 9lb5! Had a wobbler yesterday morning when I thought of how much my dad would have loved to have known about this and images in my mind of him holding him. I felt very sad and its something I've always known throughout the pregnancy that I've got to face head on and get my head around once the baby was born. It makes me very sad that dad isn't here to be a part of this but it's something I've got to come to terms with and ill deal with it in some way. Bereavement and postnatal hormones don't go well together but I'll be ok!!

mummylin2495 Sat 17-Jan-15 13:24:06

Many congrats pinkwow what a huge size. I would of struggled with a baby of that size . I'm sure you are having very mixed feelings at the moment but hopefully the joy of having your little son will go a long way to helping you forward, and remember your son has your dads genes ! And so he lives on.

supermariossister Sat 17-Jan-15 15:04:29

Congratulations little pink he is part of you therefore part of your dad thanks take care of yourselves

LittlePink Sat 17-Jan-15 15:26:31

He came out of the sun roof so didn't have to push him out! I was so shocked when they took him out at his size as I was quite small carrying him so I don't know where he was hiding! Thought he'd be 7 or 8 lbs so was amazed to see how big he was!

PuddingandPie1 Sat 17-Jan-15 16:43:18

Sorry I haven't been around for a while. Now I have retired I have been throwing away masses of paperwork from my time in education. By chance I found the folder from the (boring) conference I was at the last day I saw my Mum

I called in to see her on the way home. We went out to a pub for tea, then I took her home and dropped her off at the gate. She went indoors and waved through the window at me as I drove off.

She died 12 days later sitting in her favourite chair with my twins photo (he had died 50 years ago) on the mantelpiece.

It is nice to think they are together again.

ssd Sat 17-Jan-15 18:50:37

hi everyone on this thread, and many congratulations pink, I like your description of being born through the sunroof, I haven't heard that before!

candykane25 Sat 17-Jan-15 19:37:56

Hi again Pink and hi Pudding,

Congratulations on our thread baby! I hope you don't mind me claiming him as ours, it will stop me getting broody!
Mine also came through the sun roof! I didn't have any choice but obvs I tell people that I'm too posh too push.
I have photos of my dad scattered around the house and I talk about him to my DD everyday, his name is Grandad in the Sky. I am making a photo album about him just for my DD so she knows all about him.

ssd Sat 17-Jan-15 19:53:36

that sounds lovely candy

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